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M**I
This book will change you
Some will read right through this book in one sitting for me personally I've had to take it section by section. It's a lot of information to digest but it is really good!
G**B
A MUST READ for all LGBTQ people and straight allies.
It answers the fundamental questions of why so many of us suffer from the self-medication of an underlying anxiety and hypervigilance that started from an early age.
A**R
Let me save you some time
Here is a quick summary: most chapters are relatable, very depressing experiences that may have caused problems for you in life, lived through other people. Later chapters tell you to join AA/a 12 Step Program or go to therapy to deal with your addiction issues.No actual detail in coming to terms with being gay and living a happy life, which was the entire point/the title of the book. The book essentially defines happy as "less self-destructive".Therefore, if you'd like an extremely depressing, but relatable narrative, with no real answers to resolve your issues outside of addiction, this is a great read. Otherwise, if you're already depresssed enough from having lived them, and want answers about coming to terms with being gay and finding happiness, then i'd look elsewhere.
A**G
are on drugs or never feel satisfied, please read it
First time I write a review but I did it because this book changed my life. If you are a gay man and have suffered depression and anxiety, are on drugs or never feel satisfied, please read it.
A**R
not good but not bad
the book was not quite what I expected. some parts of it were very good but others were not. I did not get much out of it. it did not give many ways to be both gay and happy.
C**S
Good Read
BETTER than the velvet rage!!!!!
C**D
Four Stars
Book as described, shipping slow.
K**R
in excellent condition. I just started reading
Book arrived much quicker than I expected, in excellent condition. I just started reading, but this looks to be a fantastic addition to my library.
H**M
If you've stumbled across this book, you probably need to read it. And read it now...
There's a lot of positive reviews for this book and I doubt my heaping on even more superlatives would really add anything.But I did want to leave review, because this book is a revelation: It's surprising how, after reading it, suddenly its "thesis" is so bleeding obvious! That internalised "shame" damages young gay people, profoundly. And it really does explain an awful lot of behaviours one sees in "gay life".Being over forty now, I've turned my back on dating, gay life, the gay community. I did so thinking everyone else is happy and I don't fit in... because I'm flawed.Despite having plenty of evidence that other gay people aren't permanently happy and well adjusted, I still thought that I was the problem (not "white" enough, not "fit" enough, not "young" enough). I've been lucky enough to avoid some of the destructive behaviours this book describes, but I do have the same destructive thoughts. And and overwhelming sense of emptiness. If any of that sounds even vaguely familiar, please do read this book. If only because I suspect it will help you make sense of your life a little better.I read this over one weekend, so in no time at all. And it really was worth the time :)
A**R
Great read for all LGBT folk
As a lesbian I'd heard of this book but I wasn't sure how much it would speak to me, it is actually essential reading for any LGBT person over 35 and a good read for everyone else. Lots of information and careful research but very readable.
S**E
Illuminating and worthwhile read
Read through some of the 1 star reviews and thought they were quite unfair - e.g not being able to find one's own gay experience in this book. The first two thirds of this book were illuminating, researched in depth, and highlighted things to me I never realised but were absolutely spot on about how growing up in a society were gayness is shameful has profoundly affected me, and also the gay community I've for some reason I've always had an uneasy relationship with. This book spelt itall out.Todd has a real nice guy tone too. Feels like a friend or the words of a brother, the type of guy you'd really hope to meet in the gay world.
J**.
UK centered, interesting but a bit repetitive
I read most of this book but you get the impression that most gays end up as drunks and drug addicts with no ability to have a relationship. For me, not living in the UK during the past 30 years it was informative of the current state of deep rooted homophobia and sheds light on all the homophobic things that previously happened and my generation took for granted when we never should have. It is right that many older gays were brainwashed into thinking that prejudice against them was deserved. This book is very much related to the London gay scene and the UK. Probably of little interest to most people brought up outside of the UK or the many non-scene, successful career gays that the book forgets to mention.
J**S
This book contextualised and helped me to understand better my past
Wow! Where to start? This book is astonishing. Don't even think about it: just buy it and read it. If you're LGBT: read it! If you have an LGBT friend or family member: read it! If you just care about other people: read it. AND ESPECIALLY, if you are in the privileged position of nurturing children and young adults read it! This book contextualised and helped me to understand better my past, where I am situated now with regard to it, and why I respond to events and people in the present in the way that I do, in a way that no other comparable book has. Todd's honesty and integrity in intermingling his own personal story with those of many other LGBT people is heartbreaking, heartwarming and massively uplifting all at the same time. I couldn't put this book down once I'd started, and there will be no LGBT person (regardless of your age or background) who will not gain by reading this. Even if you think youβve dealt with all the inevitable societal issues of growing up LGBT in a straight world this book will still have something to offer you. It will leave every reader with an understanding of how far LGBT people have come in the last four decades, but also enable us to think about how and how much more we can all do to improve our own and each others' lives. This book was so uplifting: I've hardly been able to think of anything else since I read it two weeks ago, and I know I'll return to it again and again. Many thanks indeed Matthew Todd.
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