Nearly Orthodox: On being a modern woman in an ancient tradition

Angela Doll Carlson (don’t you just love her name?) and I have never met in person, but I feel like we know each other. We met on Facebook. And we’ve both contributed essays to the Saint Katherine Review. And we’re both converts to Orthodox Christianity. But our stories are completely different. Well, not completely, since Angela and her husband were part of a religious “start up” group which bore some similarities to the early years of the Evangelical Orthodox Church, which my husband and I were part of. But Angela grew up Catholic, so there’s that. And while I’ve written a memoir about my experience of becoming Orthodox, I decided not to publish it. Angel’s memoir, Nearly Orthodox: On Being a Modern Woman in an Ancient Tradition, was recently published by Ancient Faith Press, and it’s terrific.Wait… don’t stop reading if you think this is only a book for Orthodox Christians. Or Christians in general. It’s so much more than that. It’s a book, as the Orthodox poet and theologian Scott Cairns says, that might “comfort, serve and assist other pilgrims along the way.” Yes, it’s about Angela’s spiritual pilgrimage and it’s filled with candid looks into a pilgrim’s honest grappling with issues many of us face, but few of us talk (or write) about.Like fasting and being clean. Like confession and communion (and who’s allowed and who’s not). Like how prayer cleans your nous and how saints open windows when God closes doors. But ultimately it’s about freedom, although Angela doesn’t use that word. I almost chose “freedom” as my “OneWord365” for 2015, so maybe I look for it everywhere now. But I don’t expect to find it within the rules—or the structure—of the Church. Angela learned something about this from her friend, Beth, an artist and fellow homeschooling mom who eventually sent her daughter to a traditional school:Beth had tried homeschooling…. Her artist-mom temperament made her a natural life teacher…. It sounded good on paper, this pairing of freedom and bonding and making the world a vast learning environment…. When Beth told me about the new plan to send Grace to school… the first thing she said was that Grace needed structure. They both needed it…. Because it allowed them both to be wild in their art lives.Wild in their art lives. Structure provides that freedom? Angela points out that G. K. Chesterton agrees that it’s needed for “good things to run wild.”One reason I started writing (painting) icons is also one of the reasons I quit—because writing icons requires lots of structure. There are many rules and even Church canons governing the process, and at first I found comfort in those rules. But eventually I realized that I was hiding within the liturgical art form when everything in my being was crying out to be “wild in my art life.” Iconography isn’t for everyone. Neither is Orthodoxy.Which is why even after her chrismation Angela feels that she is still only “nearly Orthodox”:“My chrismation didn’t fix me, because I will always be in need of healing from the bleeding wounds I brought into the faith with me the day I was welcomed. I am always going to be healing, always practicing the faith, just nearly Orthodox—almost there, within reach, welcome at the feast, given food for the journey—because the road is long and winding, and it was never about the destination. It was always about the road.”In my own personal experience I have to say that it IS about the destination for me. If it was only about the road, I might not have made it. The road was (and often still is) too difficult. Too full of dangerous curves and unsafe passages. Sometimes I don’t feel that the destination (the Orthodox Church) was worth the journey, which damaged my soul as much or more than my years leading up to that journey. But I can still appreciate Angela’s story. And it’s so well written that it should be read and enjoyed for its own sake. She figured out a way to be “wild in her art” and to produce a memoir that is truly a work of art.

Great story and very well written. I loved reading it because her writing style was very poetic and lovely. The only part I take issue with is that she went on this very difficult spiritual journey ALONE. She had so many opportunities and available options to meet people in the church but no, she came to Liturgy late, sat in the back, and was the first one out the door. She never stayed for the coffee afterwards, never took that extra effort to meet anyone except a few priests. When she experienced a roadblock, she would stress out until it escalated to talking to someone about it but never anyone local, always someone she barely knows several states away by email. I have social anxiety issues myself so I understand where she comes from, however, it only took me 3 Liturgies before I took a deep breath and forced myself to stay after and meet people. I'm so glad I did because without these other people also on the same journey I would have taken just as long as Angela did, or perhaps never. Angela also experienced a lot of moral issues with the church and the traditions such as no women priests and women should wear skirts, but if she actually met people and got to know the church by it's members, then she would understand why it is this way. I personally don't care about those things myself but I met people in my church that do and there are a lot of them! A priest isn't necessarily always going to have the answers she need to justify becoming Orthodox, she needed to find out how these other women dealt with it. But anyhow, that's my 2 cents! It's a great read regardless!

This is Angela Doll Carlson's autobiographical account of growing up Catholic on the west side of Cincinnati, losing her faith as she grew up and moved to Chicago, sampling other forms of Christianity, and finally, after a long and painful struggle, deciding to be received into the Eastern Orthodox Church. Her book is beautifully written and should be very helpful to younger women who are seeking a meaningful faith, but aren't willing to settle for the merely trendy. Carlson needed a structured, disciplined faith and in Orthodoxy she found it.I, too, am a woman convert to Orthodoxy but my story is very different. What drew me to Orthodoxy was its theological integrity. Therefore, as a seeker I would not have found this book particularly helpful. So I would suggest that this book does an outstanding job of presenting Orthodox spiritual practice from the view of a contemporary seeker, but does not have much to say about the theology.Therefore, I would recommend it to seekers who want a well laid out spiritual practice, but those whose interests are largely theological should look for other books. . .there are many of them out there.

This is a thoughtful, moving story of a contemporary American woman's journey into the Eastern Orthodox faith tradition. I loved how Carlson takes such a finely-crafted approach to the memoir, eschewing a chronological approach for a braiding of her life at different times into a more surprising narrative. This construction creates powerful thematic connections and makes such compelling emotional sense. I have no personal history with the Eastern Orthodox tradition, but I identified strongly with the author's position, and personal struggles, as a feminist, mother, and spiritual seeker, and I loved following her conversion experience and learning where it took her. The insightful, courageous ways she takes on potentially opposing aspects of her own perspective and values--the way the story weaves punk rock, feminism, and ancient/traditional Christian practices and prayer--are both moving and enlightening. The writing is distinguished by a strong prose style that captures a sense of exploration and introspection beautifully. Carlson writes with a lyrical flair that allows for layering of her imagery and music, presenting her insights in a way that makes them develop organically, and that does justice to their complexity.

Angela has a gift of being able to put in writing what most of us can barely understand, let alone explain. The story of her journey ends in hope.

Only a strong, resilient and humble woman could write such an inspired book, baring her fears and past hurts in a relatable, truthful autobiographical account that so many of us recovering rebel teens can relate to. I would recommend this book to those who have an interest in Orthodox Christianity, but also ‘the sacramental life’ more generally, as well as women forging ahead in finding themselves in a traditional religious practice. Beautifully written and wholly recommended.