Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box

Leadership and Self Deception was originally published in 2000 and has become an international bestseller with over 750,000 copies sold & translated into 22 languages. The book tells a story about a senior business executive who is struggling at the office and at home. (He doesn't know he's struggling professionally to optimize results - but he quickly learns this is the case.)* This is a simple story, with a logical message. Yet, the story nicely explains that we all often fail to see that we have a problem. We do engage in self-deception. We do "unwittingly sabotage relationships at work and at home." And our actions do provoke a response that encourages the opposite of our intention.* Part I explains "Self-Deception and the Box." Part II explains "How We Get In the Box." Part III explains "How We Get Out of the Box." Being "In the box" is seeing others as objects. "Out of the Box" is seeing yourself and others as people. (They make this come alive in the book.)* As I was reading the book, particularly Part I and Part II, I was impressed at how they framed the narrative and discussion to make me realize how I've been deceiving myself. Several "AHA" moments here. Rather than give too much of the story line away - they use a simple example of a Business Executive sleeping and then hearing his infant crying - he knows that he should get up to help his spouse - he doesn't - he then justifies not getting up by mentally elevating his importance (he needs to get up early in the morning; he's the main bread winner; he's a good dad; he's the victim) while he mentally frames up his spouse who isn't getting up as being lazy, unappreciative, inconsiderate, etc. He elevates his own importance over his wife; he rationalizes why he is justified in not getting up to help the baby; he gets angry and this ultimately leads to a response which is opposite to what he was looking for. Even though no words are spoken.* The "answer" will not be found in a new leadership strategy. It will not be found in developing a new communication skill or changing your behavior. It will not be found in trying to change someone to your way of thinking. The answer is changing "your way of being."* I'm not a fan of parables because I have often found this format either too contrived or generally not relevant to me. Yet, I believe this story, the message and the anecdotes are universally applicable and true and will resonate with many readers.* The < 200 page book is a quick and easy read. It should take you less than 3 hours.* While the book is framed in a business context, it will benefit all readers: leaders, non-leaders, professionals and individuals in for-profits and non-for-profits.* Any cons? I have two "nits." (1) You reach the end of the book to learn that Part II (Accountability Transformation System) and Part III (Monitoring System) are not discussed or included in the book and you would need to enroll in Arbinger's seminars to learn this. This was a bit deceptive and unnecessary in my opinion as the core message in the book remains powerful. They should have stripped these references from the story and included it in the appendix. (2) Later editions of the book were revised to include a section on "How to Use Leadership and Self-Deception" including hiring, team building, conflict resolution, accountability and personal growth and development. This section added very little utility - but again, it does not detract from the value of the book.* So many self-help books leave no lasting value or impression - you get a quick high (if you are lucky) and the message evaporates. Not this one. This one will stick. Highly recommended.

Maybe…this might be my most important book recommendation for you this year.The title…timely. The contents…convicting.Last week, while reflecting on issues of leadership character and humility, I found not one, but two copies on my bookshelf of “Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box.” I had never read the book (to my chagrin).So my wife read it first this weekend—and her praise was effusive. Then I read it. (Am I the only leader that missed this gem?) I should have read it years ago (and my former staff and family would agree). If you haven’t read the book—or leveraged the insights for your organization or family—drop everything and read “Leadership and Self-Deception.” Here’s why:REASON #1: SELF-DECEPTION IS RAMPANT. You don’t need this book to recognize how other leaders are blind to their own self-deception—but it will give you handles (and a practical metaphor) for understanding the blindness.REASON #2: I AM BLIND TO MY OWN BLINDNESS. Whew. (Did I mention “convicting” and serious gut-checking?) While trying to figure out the sin and self-deception in other leaders, I wondered, how did the authors insert mirrors on every convicting page?In Scott Rodin’s book, “The Steward Leader,” he reminds us, “If I could put one Bible verse on the desk of every pastor and every Christian leader in the world, it would be this: ‘If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us’ (1 John 1:8).”REASON #3: THE “BOX” METAPHOR. Powerful. Trust me—read and study this book with your team (and family) and you’ll be using the “box” metaphor within an hour. The second edition of “Leadership and Self-Deception” includes a short section on how to maximize the book’s impact. The authors list stunning (stunning!) examples of how the principles have transformed organizations (nonprofit and for-profit) and even police departments. In Japan, a word-of-mouth movement has launched “out-of-the-box” clubs.The business novel/fable/story format makes for an easy read (about three hours) with memorable characters, but—warning—it’s not a comfortable read.REASON #4: FAITH-BASED ALIGNMENT. While the principles of Leadership and Self-Deception are not faith-based per se—they actually are. For readers who are Christ-followers, you’ll salivate at the opportunity to integrate “Leadership and Self-Deception” with biblical wisdom.And speaking of alignment, you’ll appreciate how “Leadership and Self-Deception” enhances the insights, especially, of many other books I’ve reviewed, including  The Cure: What if God isn't who you think He is and neither are you?  The Advantage, Leaders Eat Last, Broken and Whole, Leading Me, Serve Strong, and What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There (to name just a few).REASON #5: REFRESHING HUMILITY—NO AUTHOR NAMES! Really! Published by The Arbinger Institute, these leaders practice what they preach—and share the credit for this book with all of their team members, including non-writers. Hence—author names are not revealed. (And note: the book has sold over one million copies.)So, could this book help you and your leadership team? Yes! From the authors: “…the myriad ways in which people have used this book and its ideas fall within five broad areas of application: “1) applicant screening and hiring, 2) leadership and team building, 3) conflict resolution, 4) accountability transformation, and 5) personal growth and development.”

I started reading this book a couple of days ago as a recommendation from a training class I took. It is certainly not what I expected. I have never read a book like this, and it's hard to believe I've never heard of the ideas in this book. It is the most important book I've ever read in my life. Ever since having kids, my marriage has slowly been declining. My wife and I both come from families that do not get divorced, and believe in our vows. This book has transformed our relationship in a few days, and for the first time in a long time I'm excited for the future. I want to share this with everyone I know. The idea and concepts in this book don't need to be tested or studied, even though they are. The ideas are self evident. This book made me realize how selfish I've been my entire life, and while I am embarrassed by that fact, I'm not depressed by it. I'm hopeful and excited to practice being "out of the box," and am so thankful I read it. I could not recommend anything more than this book. Get it. You won't be sorry.

A helpful book that is easily digestible while demanding real change. Looking forward to reading the others in the series.

Excellent Read.

Ótimo livro!! Recomendo!!

Lo estoy leyendo y me parece muy buen contenido. Super aplicable para aprender de liderazgo y management. Gracias por la sugerencia

This book unveils effectively the most important problem in relationships of any kind and design a pattern to help you figure out how to get rid of it as much as possible

You can have a great idea, you can have an eagerly waiting clientele, you can have a water tight business plan and still fail in business. Why because you, or your partners, or your staff, or your client or suppliers are working to a completely different agenda.It may make no sense why a business owner is actively destroying their own business, but it happens. It makes no sense to have a supplier that deliberately fail to deliver but it happens and it can make no sense that the employee that has come on board with all the right skills undermines your best efforts...This gives you a clue as to why this is happening or might happen.It starts with "them" but quickly refocusses on you. How are you doing this to yourself and to others? What could you differently that might make your life better as well as that of your family and business relationships.Over many years of developing database systems for businesses I have seen astonishing behaviour and some it was "them". Most of it was mine.If you are blaming others read this book and fix it.