Too Close to Me: The Middle-Aged Consequences of Revealing a Child Called "It"

I was never one who questioned the authenticity of Mr. Pelzer's account of his horrific childhood abuse and the difficult years as a foster child and a struggling young adult. However, the self-congratulatory tones and the many inconsistencies in his stories makes me understand why people would think that. Another reason the skeptics gave was that no one could suffer the level of abuse and come away with no physical impairment. We know from this book that Pelzer suffers from chronic GERD as a direct result of being forced to swallow two spoons of ammonia. He may have other chronic conditions that he has chosen to keep private (it is not clear if he followed up on the tremor in his hand). He also suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, and and workaholism can be a consequence of PTSD. He had always maintained that he was happy with his life and he has forgiven his abusive mother, but his first books were so filled with venom and bitterness that anyone reading them could tell he was in denial. In this newest book, Pelzer takes the honest but painful journey into his soul and finally admits how his childhood had a direct impact on his inability to form meaningful relationships, his two failed marriages, and his tendency to allow others to take advantage of him. He has buried himself in his work to avoid facing the pain (something others have been telling him for years) and because he has trained himself to feel grateful for every life necessity (not that it isn't a good attitude to have) he feels he 'owes' it to everyone to 'pay it forward' at the cost of his own physical and mental health. Unlike his previous novels, this book doesn't have a pretentious feel to it ('Oh I went through eight years of pure hell, but I'm just great'). The way he freely admit that he still carries a lot of anger and pain from his childhood is refreshing. This book reads more like a journal than a tell-all memoir.Mr. Pelzer, if you read your reviews, I wish you a lifetime of happiness with Kay. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. No matter what anyone says, it is not your responsibility to save everyone. You have done your share of paying it forward. Please allow yourself to be selfish and put Kay and yourself first. Let the specter of your mother rest in peace. She is right; she comes because you are calling her. Next time she appears in your dream, tell her goodbye. Same goes with your Indifferent father. And you did not 'lie to a dying man.' He knew you were relaying a fantasy to comfort him and that he was never leaving the hospital. Most importantly, please understand that everything you feel--anger, sadness, longing for the happier times, even missing your parents--is NORMAL. More importantly, it will be a lifelong battle. You are a survivor, and are entitled to happiness and to be treated with respect. I wish you the best.

Great book to read again and again. Surely makes you think twice about life.

Too Close to Me: The Middle-Aged Consequences of Revealing A Child Called It.As a therapist who works with men who have been abused as children I feel this book is a must read. Men have been trained since they were old enough to understand to not cry, buck up, act like a man, be strong, don't act like a sissy or a girl. The unfortunate truth is this leads to boys becoming men who have repressed feelings for so long that they live shut down. Feelings that leak out are most likely to be those of rage. Feelings of being unworthy keeps them from being as successful in life and relationships as they could be.Dave's honesty,intimate sharing of his innermost world , and insights will help survivors, partners, and those in the helping professions. My group, it happens to boys and I speak at various recovery centers, schools, and conferences when we tell Dave's story almost all teenagers we see have read "A Child Called It". Afterall these years it is still one of the most popular, well known books. This new book speaks to the older generation, many who are men still keeping the secret. How helpful to have these men have a story they can relate to, and see they too have been continuing their pain and now harming themselves.Well written, riveting story. Dave has done it againCarol Teitelbaum, LMFT

I have read the first 3 of Dave Pelzers books. I believe every word he has written. I grew up blocks away from him & personally knows the teacher & principal he talks about. I did not know him or of his struggles at that time. I was in high school myself. But reading his journey was hard at times because I knew of the places he spoke of. I didn't have the greatest childhood but reading his books showed me that someone else had it worse. To think I walked the same streets as he did yet had no clue about what was happening was hard.Mr. Pelzer, I hope that you find peace.

I love Dave Pelzer's books. This one was not what I expected, but still good. I am very glad he is taking better care of himself. He does not mention needing counseling in his books, so maybe it is not his thing, or is too personal to share. I was hoping he would talk about how counseling may have helped him along the way to work through his own PTSD from severe abuse. Suffering from PTSD myself, it would be helpful for me and others to know counseling is an OK thing to do. Everyone is not able to help other people to heal themselves, and it can feel like a sign of weakness to ask for help. I always appreciate his point of view and his own process of healing has been an inspiration for me. A lot of the things he says are things I have always thought, but never heard from other people. That has given me a feeling of comradery I will never forget.

Another superb book by Dave pelzer! Thank you for opening up and taking us on your journey of freedom and strength

All of Dave’s books are a clear testament to the resilience of the human spirit, no matter how broken, and the daily work it takes to work through things to get to the other side. You don’t have to have been a survivor of child abuse to get what he feels throughout his journey. Amazing human being, and it’s so awesome to see what he’s done with the hand he’s been dealt from such an early age.

I am so grateful for this book and others, such a fantastic read I had such a connection with this, thank you!

This book really resonated with me. I understand myself the troubles with surviving abuse, and then letting a person into your inner sanctum. For many reasons this couldn't have been released at a better time for me personally. It helped a lot.

The author details how despite success in life both in his career and then as an author, initially he could not allow himself to enjoy it due to the rigorous level of activity he subjected himself to. Life lessons learnt along the way through fire and water, and made more difficult due to his tortuous past, are interwoven through.Learning to say no to others, valuing oneself, never being able to please everyone despite best efforts and even being verbally abused by ones in the midst of giving, combatting the strive for perfection and never feeling good enough, always trying to heal and help and mend in his family and with others, working and even volunteering at a relentless pace to point of exhaustion, initially not successfully creating a work/life balance so his own marriage/family did not suffer despite his best of intentions and trying hard to be a good husband and father and seeing the end of two marriages.I feel the author is brutally honest in his self analysis, at times self flagellating as he strives constantly to be a better person. I admire and are inspired by his goodness of heart and intentions in this regard. The book is not self indulgent but self reflective as he bravely explains the life lessons he has learnt along the way. I am so so happy he has found a peaceful deep love to share his journey with and is enjoying a much more balanced and slower pace of life now - as he so well deserves. I had only read the authors first memoir and no other book so I found this fascinating, personally inspiring, and food for thought in my own life.

Having read all of Dave Pelzer's previous books, I couldn't wait to start this one. I was not disappointed. As Dave bared his very soul in the struggles he has had in life, you see him mature and grow in wisdom as he faces challenges. Anyone who has struggled to survive a dysfunctional background can learn from his very real life lessons. Couldn't put it down!

Again Dave triumphs through his heartbreak. Well done. Take care