Supernormal: The Secret World of the Family Hero

Ever feel like fate conspired against you as a kid, forcing you to deal with things a kid shouldn’t have to? Are you still feeling that way as an adult, with a backstory, or a secret identity, or a nemesis - or all three? This might be a book for you, or someone you know in that situation.I was introduced to this title by a “self development” podcast interview with the author, and found myself tearing up at her descriptions of how many of us have survived and overcome “Adverse Childhood Events” to make our lives better than circumstances seemed to predict. While she does use some celebrity and newsworthy examples of her ideas, the protagonists of the stories presented are “real” humans, dealing with real pasts and hard choices.Taken as part of an emerging trend in psychology, the study of those “Adverse Childhood Events,” this book could help those who endured those events to make sense of seemingly irrational emotions in adulthood. Others in this trend include Angela Duckworth’s “Grit”, Susan David’s “Emotional Agility” and Jonice Webb’s “Running on Empty” - each looking at the events and their consequences from a slightly different angle.

When you are a kid, it’s hard to understand what is normal. One moment I thought everything my family did was normal and everyone else was different. Then I became a teenager and I began to think everything my family did was weird and everyone else was normal. Later, in college, I began to understand that ‘normal’ is totally subjective and families are unique.However, I soon learned that I grew up privileged. My family did not have a nice house and we had never had new cars, but I did have safety, stability, and love. I never worried where my next meal was. I never feared that my dad or mom wouldn’t show up. And despite my teenage angst, I always knew they were there for me.Safety, stability, and love are not certainties in life. Many children grow up drenched in fear. They fear a sibling will assault them. They don’t know if a parent is coming home sober, drunk, or not at all. They worry if there will be enough money for food tomorrow. I have never had these fears, and I am very grateful.My biggest fear now is not being the best husband and father I can be. If you read this book, you will be distraught. If you are like me, you will shake your head in disgust wondering how anyone could survive such a horrible childhood, let one thrive into adulthood.I picked up this book because I enjoyed Jay’s previous. I appreciate her mix of intellect and emotions. She is very smart and very personable. I don’t know who I would recommend this book to, I guess anyone interested in child development.All in all, this a great read.

I am a therapist who treats trauma. This book is beautifully and compassionately written. One of my clients told me it was the most helpful book she has read so I ordered it. I am recommending it to my other clients now. Trauma comes in many forms and Dr. Jay dignifies the reality, difficulty and complexity of experiences we are wounded by that we cannot even put words to.I particularly value the neurobiological explanations about what happens to our brains and bodies when we are overwhelmed.But above all, this is a book about resilience. It is about allowing love into our lives. It is about not being defined by the negative, criminal or tragic things that happen to us. It is about a future with hope.

Meg Jay, PhD brilliantly shines a light on the secret world of the family hero, those who’ve survived childhood trauma, persevered years of chronic stress and silent suffering, yet thrived beyond what anyone thought possible, even the researchers. Through shear determination and grit learned from early trauma, Dr. Jay illustrates through actual patient stories how “SuperNormals” come out on the other side stronger, wiser and more resilient driving them to excellence in whatever they aspire to achieve.The book is not only validating and inspiring, but it left me awestruck and empowered by my own “surthrivership,” as I read every chapter through the blur of tears recalling my own Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Through Dr. Jay's therapeutic genius, SuperNormal gives you hope for the future, a new perspective for looking at your life with gratitude and pride versus grief and loss. It offers a whole new way of looking at yourself and a positive way forward. An absolute must read for all super heroes!

Meg Jay is a psychologist who works solely with 20 somethings. I so wish I had this book when I was in my 20's (I am now 58). This book spoke to me on many levels. My father suffered with mental illness and only as I grew older did I realize what happened in my house wasn't "normal". The author reminds readers that 75%!! of the population faced childhood adversity and that it is possible to make it out. The book is called SuperNormal because many kids who experience adversity become "supernormal" to survive. Often this means burying feelings and operating in survival-mode. The author gives examples from her work enabling readers to recognize themselves as they read the book. She discusses how the skills you used to survive those times may not be needed as you grow older. And most importantly how to be not only proud of yourself for overcoming, but thinking about how these experiences will influence future relationships. I recommend this for all 20-somethings, this book was life-changing even at this point in my life!!

As someone who had a childhood full of adversity I found this book to not only be validating but also empowering. I cried many times while reading it but have hope I didn’t have when I started it. Hope that I can overcome my past and lead a “normal” life!

This book has had a profound positive affect on me. As I read, I saw myself in every page. Each story was one I needed to hear. Meg Jay’s voice is professional and measured in every line. Yet still the tremendous care and warmth she holds for those still struggling with their traumas shines through brilliantly.

This book is not about the ones whose childhood traumas make headlines and let readers shake their heads in horror and disbelief. It is about the childhood adversities that too many of us had to overcome while no one has noticed. And the huge impact and cost attached to it. I love this book for its calm tone and the dignity it gives to the stories of the supernormals it talks about. And how it ends with hope, that there is healing through love. Very well written, powerful and life affirming.

Out of the books I've read, this one is probably the most important to me. I have recommended it to so many people already.

Ich habe eine Interview der Autorin im Spiegel gelesen und fand die Perspektive auf die Resilienz sehr spannend und treffend. Deshalb hab ich das Buch gekauft und bin begeistert. Es liest sich (auf Englisch) sehr gut und klingt sehr einleuchtend. Jeder der sich mit Resilienz beschäftigt, sollte auch dieses Buch lesen.

I was pleased to receive my book well before time & in a prime condition. Since such books are rarely available with other stores, the sale price was very reasonable. Their entire process can be a good example for other booksellers.

Teils fiktional aber gerade deshalb sehr transparent. Die Ursache und Wirkungszusammenhänge diafunktionaler Erlebnisse in der Kindheit ("schwerer Kindheit") zu späteren herausragenden Eigenschaften werden prima herausgearbeitet.