After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma

I'll have to come back and write more about this book when I have some more time, but for now let me just say that I was amazed by how accurately aspects of my life were described by the authors-- they pegged me like no one has ever done, and once I read those many many descriptions I knew I was hearing from very talented and thorough experts in this so very relivant field yet so dramatically unexplored and insufficiently discussed. If you had a parent or two that could be considered alcoholics, please, please... For your own good and for the field of very important and effective study, Do not pass up this book.This book is in the top 5 most impactful and influential books I've read in my entire life, and I've read a lot. It may well be the most caring, intelligent, loving, considerate & thoughtful book I've ever read. So well done. I listened to the audio version while doing my daily walks/runs. I let so much of my past come up and release as the author triggered memories and gave me super insightful perspectives that truly had me reevaluating so much of my life and myself, the how and why I developed to be the person I am, and opening me up to with enough of the tools and courage needed to really take a look at my upbringing and feel through the repressed traumas as my adult self loving and embracing my childhood self, who was so much more affected by my parents drinking than I was ever willing or able to realize.Perhaps it won't resonate with all ACOA's, but for those who are ready to throw down their armor and go within themselves in surrender to the scary repressed emotions within with courage and the flashlight and voice that is this book, prepare yourself for the bittersweet pain, joy, release, understanding, and... the tears. If those tears can't squeeze past your heavy armor, then they'll remain inside with the hidden pain until you're ready. If you're lucky though, it'll come up and free you from a whole lot that you didn't even know was detaining you. I recommend considering a therapist to compliment and work through what may come up if you're ready. I did, it was very difficult, but after many months of doing the work, I feel like many weights have been lifted and (cornyness alert) after the tears, I'm feeling clear, honored, and so very grateful!And men, if the title of the book is a turn off for you, perhaps now is perfect time to let down that armor, as a starter, and then get the book and start some real work, with more courage than it would take to walk away.A round of applause for the authors!

I've been in therapy for years and struggling to figure out what is wrong with me. I was told to read this book by my counselor and honestly didn't give it a chance for months because it was intended for "Adult Children of Alcoholics" and my parents were not alcoholics, however after reading this book I have to say I have learned SO MUCH MORE about life, people, myself, my family history and my generational curses than in any of the therapy I have ever done. This book has given me more than I can begin to tell any of you. What I am saying is this is MORE than worth the read because it's gotten me father in my own personal growth, self-healing and knowledge than I've ever had in my entire 31 years of life. I believe this book is the beginning of all my growth to come and healing I've needed. Thank you After the Tears! I needed this more than I ever knew.

I read this book and I found out a lot of information about my siblings especially caregiver, then less about mascot child and scapegoat child and last almost none information about lost child which is me. While it was really eye opening to find out all this information about them I felt kind of left out. Then a miracle happened. I was reading a book about self esteem which is a real issue for me. The title is Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem and is written by Matthew McKaty and Patrick Fanning. The chapter fourteen was all about me and my coping mechanism which is auto aggression. I was dealing with my childhood trauma by directing all the aggression towards myself and not realizing it till I finally read this chapter and the weight got off my chest . Read it if you're a lost child. This chapter will help you better understand yourself and there are also methods on how to cope with auto aggression. Very helpful in my opinion.

Essential for ACOA folks! I kept finding myself thinking that I never knew I could find a book that felt like it was written about me! At one point while reading this, my junk got triggered a bit in conversation with my husband, and I didn’t initially realize it...but when I went to resume reading this as a way to avoid him, I started reading a vignette that was identical to what I had just happened. And so I handed it to him to read that page (he knew nothing about ACOA or why I was handing him the book), and he responded with, “well that just happened!” At which point I incidentally apologized lol.Bottom line: so relevant, so well written, and essential tool for anyone who has come from alcoholic families (or any other dysfunctional families), and for those around the ACOA who would benefit from better understanding that person!

A must read for children of addicts, not just alcoholics. Very educational on growing up in unhealthy environment and the vicious cycles that follow. Learning to be aware and break the chain

I would recommend this book to ACOAs who have started their journey of grief and resolution of their lives.There were so many specific stories and examples of survival coping skills that I have used over and over again but had no positive impact on my adult life.I really liked the emphasis on being self loving and self compassionate, forgiving ourselves for traits that we were so ashamed of. And the realization that all of these skewed coping mechanisms were normal reactions in our crazy families.One of the best ACOA books I have read.

I bought this book, not because I have any alcoholism in my past family history, but because my grown step-children do and a friend of mine suggested it could help understand what they deal with on a regular basis and how they react to certain triggers in life. It is helpful on all levels. I also gave a copy to a friend of mine who grew up with an alcoholic mother and she says the book is very helpful in explaining so many facets of alcoholic behavior she wished she had known about this book years ago.

I have read many books around the issues of Adult Children. This is the best one that I have read. If it is an issue that affects you, this is the most positive book I have read on the subject. It gives clear, easy to understand explanations of the many issues an ACOA faces in life.

An easy read filled with compassion and practical support. A good step on the road to recovery.

Brilliant book very insightful, I couldnt put it down

Outstanding book, and most informative for any Adult Child, from any dysfunctional family where a major trauma is denied - very useful book, to begin to heal . Buy it if you are one.

Great Book! Very interesting and informative. I would highly recommend reading..