Soul Repair: Rebuilding Your Spiritual Life

I have struggled with the results of my childhood and forty years in churches that practice aggressive spiritual abuse. Shame, fear and guilt were all I expected from my spiritual life. I had previously read VanVonderen's Spritual Abuse book and was comforted that I was not alone. Soul Repair is an invaluable companion book.

Wow, I've struggled for years to overcome a past (and somewhat present) experience of spiritual abuse from my dad. In addition to holding a position in my life as an authoritarian figure (by nature of being my dad) and trying my best to honor him. I also ascribed a certain level of credibility to his direction, advice, and ideas on matters of life (my life specifically) because he went to Bible college and is a lay minister. This really muddied the waters for me as I tried to grow an understanding of my faith in God through the perspective of my dad. As a result, I transferred my experience of my earthly father onto my Heavenly Father which resulted in a very unhealthy spiritual life (full of confusion, wondering if I'm in or out with God, striving to obey "the rules"). I've gone to a counselor before, listened to lots of counseling on the radio about manipulation, journaled, confronted my dad, etc... None of which helped me. I was doing a lot of stuff, but not making progress (like being on a treadmill). I still felt like a victim (victim/controller relationship attachment style). To quote pg 204 "When the wounds we have experienced run deep and we have been investigating all our energy in forgiveness strategies that are not helpful, it's easy for us to become stuck in the role of victim". I've read material before that clearly explains what victimization looks like, but things tended to end there as the strategies for ending the cycle of abuse weren't very helpful (and therefore the cycle continues to repeat itself and I continued to think as a victim does... "I'm helpless"). Well, this book has put an end to those dead end thoughts. Pg 214 " We also hope it is clear that rebuilding a damaged spiritual life is possible. It can be done. Our hopeful assessment of what is possible does not come from any optimism about our abilities to be good enough, smart enough, dedicated enough, committed enough, spiritual enough to get the job done. It comes instead from a conviction about God. There is hope for rebuilding our damaged spiritual lives because the living and true God is actively engaged with us in the rebuilding process. The whole process hinges on God doing the things that only God can do". Bottom line... I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! It's easy to read, the layout of subject matter is done well, I like the medium/large print, and the strategies suggested in the second half were on point. And although the focus is on various aspects of spiritual abuse, someone who has experienced abuse outside of this category would also benefit from reading this book. It took me a whole day (morning through evening... I couldn't put it down) to read the book. I stuck mini "post it" notes everywhere and wrote in the book to help me as I go back through it again. Anyway, there you have it... loved the book and hope you will too!

There were parts of this book that I found super helpful, including the very beginning chapters and most of Part 2. I don't prefer books or theories that come up with categories of people or problems (addictive, anorexic, abusive, codependent spirituality) as this can oversimplify and many people don't fall in to a category. If I passed this book on to a friend I would suggest skipping over those chapters or just skimming them. However, I think the authors identified and addressed some of the general problems people can have with their relationship with God, and give a good blueprint for reconstructing a healthy spirituality. Lots of Scripture references and life experience included. I pay attention to whether Christian authors espouse their own theories and mention Jesus now and again or proof-text Scripture, or if they're based on the Word and point people to the grace of Christ. I'd say this book is the latter.

CompanionWritten by 3 people who have experience in counseling and psychology as well as having taken the journey themselves in the church and on to healing - this book offers their experience, strength, and hope in a very accessible style.The book provides the means of indentifying where one is at on the journey, what one is probably feeling, afraid of, etc. and suggestions of how to move forward and what that might look like - with all of the understanding and gentleness one would expect from someone who has been through it all and come out clean. Because they have been there, the authors are able to correctly identify the pitfalls and sore spots with the courage to face what's ugly and at the same time affirming the presence of grace that is 'tailor made' for each journey. They remember well what it is like to be faith-blind. These are most welcome companions on a most difficult journey.ToolboxThe book is well organized and the chapters are broken down into digestible bites with questions for reflection at the end of each section. This makes it an easy volume to work with - and the progression of the chapters are well-paced and thorough, following a pattern without tangents. The tools offered in this book are identifying abuse, identifying the fallout, finding compassion for self, what is involved in overcoming obstacles to trust, letting go of what doesn't work, finding what does work, taking responsibility, and finding community. There is nothing I wish were different about this book. It's not too long, not too short, makes nothing too heavy and takes nothing too lightly.It is very well-balanced in its delivery and approach to the realities of the healing process, offering hope and a way through the impossible paradoxes of spiritual woundedness.BackgroundI have been reading books on understanding and recovering from spiritual abuse for 15 years. I have also been following the work of Dale and Juanita Ryan HOPING for a book of this kind from them. They are the only Christian authors I know of who have addressed the journey of finding God all over again. I consider them faithful and true doctors of the church.Of all the books I've read over the years, this is the best and most concise - the ONLY one I would recommend. I have been very encouraged!

This book is an excellent written work for any one who is interested in ministering to people who are soul damaged.

really helpful book.