Rare Bird: A Memoir of Loss and Love

When I was in college I took a class that required I write a paper on grief from a faith perspective and used two excellent sources: C.S. Lewis’ “A Grief Observed” which deals with his sense of loss in the aftermath of losing his wife Joy, and Henri Nouwen’s “In Memoriam” where Nouwen looks at death and dying and the aftermath of grief when he lost his mother after she faced a difficult battle with cancer. If I had to write the same paper today, I would add Anna Whiston-Donaldson’s “Rare Bird” to my reading list as well.Anna is a woman of faith and a book lover who spent years working in a church related bookstore, though her greatest calling was being a wife and mother. Like many book sellers, Anna hoped to one day write a book and thought it would be a how-to book about restoring furniture. Her book would include inspirational Christian quotes and Biblical passages in each chapter. Instead, her first book dealt with losing her son in a tragic manner that defies explanation. She is honest about her emotions, how her son’s death changed every aspect of her close-knit family’s life, as well as her anger, hurt, and unanswered questions. She was told by many she was a powerful example of faith, which when she describes many things she faced is true, but in the pages, she shares what was happening in her heart during this time. She was also honest about her relationship with God and the changes that took place in that relationship in the aftermath of her son’s death. She is not perfect, there are many issues that it seems she still has to deal with, and her hurt can be raw at moments, but I see these things as strengths. This is how people deal with tragedy in real life situations. Television resolves things in a short period of time, life does not.I am not sure if Anna intended that the book begins at a fast-paced rate then slows a bit, but I found when I first began reading the book, I could not put it down, then it is not as fast paced. To me it demonstrated that life can move fast, change at a moment’s notice, and then there is the slow trudging through life as we try and make sense of things. I personally found this book helpful in understanding the love parents have for children and by sharing her grief so well, I got a glimpse of what a parent faces at the loss of a child. I do think it raises questions that are important in growing in faith and that is why I selected to read “Rare Bird.” However, I would add a cautionary note. Often times when people face a challenge or a loss, giving a person a book seems ideal, and in many cases it can be. I do not believe that this is “that” book that you would give to a grieving parent. It would have to be read when and if they are ready. Now if you are helping someone who is grieving, if you are in ministry, you’re an educator, social worker, this is “that” book.Thank-you Anna Whiston-Donaldson for sharing this story.

I still remember hearing the news, that Jack Donaldson had died in a strange and terrifying accident on a rainy September night. I didn’t know Jack. I didn’t know his mother Anna. And yet, when I heard the news, I felt compelled to fall to my knees and pray like I’d never prayed before for comfort for the family of four that was now heart-achingly missing one member. He was twelve years old. He was only twelve years old.Throughout the past three years, I’ve kept up with the Donaldson’s story through Anna’s blog and through facebook. Though I’ve never met her, I’ve felt so connected to her and her family that when I heard she was releasing a book about her Jack, I pre-ordered it and insisted my friends do the same because she felt… like family.And then Rare Bird arrived on my Kindle.Oh.Oh friends.This a book to cherish.These are words to wind around and through your heart again and again until you bleed with the sheer cutting wisdom and love. Because this is a book so full of love that it spills out and around the virtual pages until you can barely see through the tears. I never before realized how much tears taste like love. This book has moved me in ways I can’t begin to describe because though it is a book about a mother’s grief… it is more. It is a book about a mother’s hope… a mother’s love… a mother’s heart. This is a love story from a mother to her two children and it is hauntingly beautiful. When I was barely half way through, I pulled my son from his bed and snuggled with him to read the rest. When I dropped him off at school this morning, I didn’t care if I was embarrassing him when I hugged him close and kissed the softness of his cheek. Because I am his mother and I love him with a ferocity.Anna loves her son with a ferocity.Anna loves her God with a ferocity.And this book reconciles her loss of one and her belief in another in a way that is timeless and breathtaking. And yes sad. And yes also brilliantly honest and real.This is a book about love and it is the most devastating of love stories. I can not tell you that you won’t cry… because you will. I can not tell you that you won’t be afraid and broken alongside this mother, because you will. But you will also be filled with so much love that you will absolutely not be able to keep it from exploding out of you into the world. Because even in her grief, this is first and foremost a book about love. And I am honored that Anna shared her love of her son with the world… because it inspires me to love better, to love bigger, to let go and to remember that we just don’t know how long we have to love these precious gifts. And so we should love them the best and the biggest while we can. Anna’s thoughts on life after life… the inexplicable life that comes after the biggest hurt of all… are healing in a way I never knew I needed to be healed. There is a God. Even when we think there isn’t. Even when we hurt so big that there is nothing safe from our pain. There is a God.And he loves us. And he loves Anna. And Jack. And Tim. And most especially Margaret.I don’t really do book reviews. I don’t go into the words or the story or how the author chooses to put things in writing… there are professionals who can break and parse and tell you all of that. What I know is my heart… and my heart loves this book. So if you want to know what love tastes like, go read this book, inhale the love Anna has for her children, and then share it with the world… the way she has.

It's hard to say I 'love' this book. I love the absolute honest account of Anna's grief of her precious son, Jack. I found this blog two years ago when I was laid up in bed with a broken tibial plateau and I was looking at 'Momastery' on my iPad, which a Facebook friend had recommended- she referenced the blog and linked to Anna's blog 'An Inch of Grey'. I started reading the blog after the first year 'crapiversary'. I feel like I know Anna now, such is her authenticity, and I feel like we can all relate to her as a person.Her grief on the other hand, she writes about so well, yet we know we cannot fully imagine the pain the family are experiencing. I feel honoured to be able to read about such raw emotion and how it has related to and affected (positively) her Christian faith. I, too, am a Christian and am encouraged by how far God has brought them.She doesn't canonise her son, it is an honest account of who he was and how her life has changed beyond what she could have imagined with his loss. I am not a mother, nor am I a wife but I have experienced grief and loss and could relate on a small level. This book is an extension of her blog and she is a very talented and genuine writer.

I have been wanting to read this book since I heard of its existence. Having read Anna's blog I was fairly certain I would not be disappointed. It's hard to say that I 'enjoyed' something that is so fundementally tragic but that's the brilliance of Anna and her way of taking you on her journey. She is witty and heart wrenching all at once. death and loss in its many forms is something none of us escape, so to see someone who has experienced it to its fullest and deepest sense come out the other side is inspiring. The story itself beautiful in its darkness and light. I felt so much frustration and injustice in the way her boy's disappearance into the creek was handled. So upset by a lack of urgency with all involved and yet it seems Anna has somehow found some peace. I know that there were real moments of ugliness but survival and even the ability to thrive have come to be. I feel this was all portrayed realistically and eloquently and will help a lot of people.

This book is wonderful. It is not often one is able to read about the raw, uncensored feelings of grief. Thank you, Anna for your openness. Thank you for sharing what was in your mind and heart. And thank you, Jack. God bless your family.

Anna bravely shares with us her grief journey over the first year after her beloved 12 year old son, Jack, drowns in a flash flood on Sept. 8th, 2011. She writes very honestly, baring her innermost thoughts and reflections with us. We meet her family and read glimpses of how they grapple with the loss of Jack. Her faith in God is shaken after such a tragic event. At times she is like a rock and at other times she is a mess. But she finds her strength in her love of God, of Jack and the support of so many. I recommend this book for someone who is going through the death of a child or another family member.

As a mom who lost my 18 year old son in an accident I related with so much of this book. It was written with such raw honesty, Anna put into words much of what I felt but had no words for. Heartbreaking, yes, but also encouraging. It is a beautiful thing to watch God show up in our most painful, desperate places as He did for Anna and as He has for me.