WIRED FOR LOVE : HOW UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNERS BRAIN Paperback – January 1, 2014

As a therapist, I found this book very helpful in understanding the need for couples to bond completely in order to keep their relationship alive. Tatkin bases his research on premises that include current research on marital therapy as well as on neuropsychology.He provides ten basic premises for maintaining a good marriage. He speaks often of the 'couple bubble'. This is a way for couples to put one another first, to keep themselves a priority for one another in spite of all the influx of information and experiences that come their way. Couples need to form a bubble, a safe place where they are available to one another 24/7 and they attempt to fulfill their partner's needs in any way they can. It goes both ways and it is a protective device.I also liked his analogy of 'ambassadors' and 'primitives'. Ambassadors are the rational aspects of our brain that steer our relationship. The primitives are the more basic aspects of survival that most of us have been programmed for as children. It is more of a 'fight or flight' component that each of us has. There needs to be an understanding in ourselves of these two components of our brain and, more importantly, depending on our upbringing, we may need to work on understanding what makes our partner tick.The book is accessible to anyone, therapist or layman. The information is very helpful and can be used by any married couple. Therapists will be pleased to see that Tatkin quotes the most recent research and incorporates it in his book. I found this book very intuitive and have used his suggestions in the therapy I already do. However, I have picked up some new ideas that I will surely incorporate in the future.

This book has changed the way I view my relationship. Learning about myself and my husband and how we interact with the world has really helped me. This is a book I will read over and over again.

Very interesting information on relationship personalities. I found it easy to identify my spouse's "mo" and mine. The how to's of relationship improvement were clear and thorough. In fact, I decided to just relax a bit after reading the book because it was so honest about the amount of work required of me to "amp up" our 43 year marriage. It is definitely a great tool in understanding each partner's needs and fulfillment. The writing is much less textbook than many self help tomes written by therapists.While I have not lavished my husband with the advice given to me, I have incorporated some of it. It was uncomfortable to see how I was defined. I was a "wave" and wanted to be an "island." My husband was an "island." But, I saw myself from his perspective which was extremely beneficial. I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to have a closer relationship with a signficant other. Gender in this book is of no importance which I found to be enlightening. There is no "it's a girl or a boy thing." There are no platitudes.I gave the book a four star review because I found myself skimming a lot of it. A therapist neighbor recommended it on a walk as something she was reading and liking. I am less motivated than she to apply all the nuances. Thus, I could not say it was stellar simply because I tend to save five stars for books more in my 'love to read" interests-- primarily fiction and non-fiction with more of a literary, spiritual or historical bent. I have less interest now in the" self "help catagory and more in the help" others" one. But, i realize that the first piece of helping others must be getting oneself fit in every aspect.

Scientifically backed relationship advice explained in an easy to understand manner. I really enjoyed this book. Recommended by many couples therapists. A must read for everyone.

I would not recommend this to any of my friends.If I could return the kindle book, I would.I have genuinely no idea who the audience that enjoys this book would be/ look like.Stay away from this if you are also a survivor of DV/IPV. So many red flags.***Longer version****They tried: The writing (and/or the editor) is probably attempting to be folksy/ down to earth.It turned out: Like a Goofus vs Gallant cartoon has been transcribed in unnecessary detail.*They tried: The explanations following the Goofus v Gallant episodes are followed by the author trying to make the psych/ general science information more accessible to people by using his own novel terms in place of established technical terms.How it came out: Some books are quite deft at bringing studies into everyday life; this book is NOT one of them. Basic terms that made sense in their original/ studied form-- but perhaps had to be changed for $ reasons-- are actually made more complex and less accessible by the author's replacements. In some instances, vocabulary replacements deviate so greatly from the original term you must either (A) Keep a list of vocabulary words to have on hand while reading or, (B) hope you know the technical terms to back-translate. Sure, neither of option is terrible for a quick read-- unless you want to go read anything on relationships by literally anyone else. Whywhywhy do that to your readers???***Important note***If you are also a survivor of abuse or intimate partner violence, probs skip this one. Based off of the 40% of the book I slogged through before realizing the writing style was not going to somehow improve, this author does NOT understand how Intimate Partner Violence/ Domestic Violence "works" and the ways it impacts us survivors.Terms and experiences survivors will identify as red flag warnings of an unsafe person or situation? Book just treats those like a fun example of a "normal" argument.( I legit said "NOPENOPENOPENOPE!!!" while reading on multiple occasions.)Vocab words used to name and discuss trauma OUTSIDE this book, are used as "normal" terms of normal relationships in this book. (So much nope, so little time.) For example, L. Bancroft's use of the word "war" in a relationahip =/= Tatkin's use of the word "war" in a relationship. While this is an editing choice rather than intentionally unsafe advice from the author (I hope), survivors will likely find this book to be full of alarm bells, red flags, and unhelpful information. Hard pass on it, Sisters.

This book provides insights which help us to avoid or defuse situations which otherwise might lead to conflict or bitterness in couple relationships. I quickly learned to identify the 'primitives' and 'ambassadors' (baddies and goodies) in my couple behaviour and adjust accordingly; and how best to repair the relationship in those times when my angry instincts got the better of me. You can gain from reading the book by yourself, but the full value will come if you and your couple partner both read it, as this means you can both 'try harder' in the relationship rather than make one-sided improvements.

This should be required reading for adults who intend to have children or who would like to be in a committed, successful relationship. I wish I'd read it 20 years ago...

Very useful as a counsellor to recommend to clients, although some clients find it quite “American” and cheesy

Totally rate this book, it’s full of useful and understandable information. Highly recommend for recommend for couples and individuals alike.

for any couple, this is the ultimate book to read. It's written in very clear language and it does help in relationships.