One Heart Too Many: Facing the Challenges of Loving a Widower Paperback – June 1, 2018

If you, or someone you care about, is in a relationship with a widower this book is a must read! Every page I turn I see my thoughts, emotions and concerns. The author presents various situations based on many interviews with ladies who are or were dealing with the challenges involved in these relationships and presents a positive, supportive approach to navigating through successfully This book has changed the direction of my relationship for the better! 10/10 recommend!!

This is a must read. I would not have my sanity and relationship if I did not have this book. Society gives widowers much sympathy like being a widower is the most tragic thing in the world (yes, it’s sad...but tragic things happen every day, and to put it in perspective, any marriage that doesn’t end in divorce ends with one partner predeceasing the other). Society expects that those of us dating a widower need to honor and respect his late wife, be okay with the widower crying on our shoulder because he misses his late wife, listen to countless stories about how she was the most special person in the universe, and be okay with whatever little bit of his heart he has left for us. This book helps the current partner get her voice back and realize that she does not deserve less just because the previous partner is deceased. This isn’t about jealousy over a dead woman. This isn’t about expecting the widower to forget his late wife. This is about being respected and loved as the current partner. The book is well organized and practical. It may come across as a bit direct on the first read, but if you read it again, you realize it is written and filled with compassion. This book isn’t about asking the widower to throw away all momentos of his previous life and never mention his late wife again. This book is about setting boundaries that ensure you are not disrespected. When a widower starts dating again, he sets the expectation that he is ready to move forward in a new relationship. This book helps hold him to the expectation that he set. On a dating site, a lot more people would swipe right to a man that mentioned he was a widower (thinking his devotion to his late wife shows he’s good marriage material), but none would swipe right to the more accurate description of “I am ready for a relationship, except for 2 weeks leading up to and the week after the following dates (because I will withdraw from you and post on public social media how much I love and miss another woman): dating anniversary, wedding anniversary, date of birth, date of death, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. A few random weeks may be added as needed for active grieving. But don’t worry, the late wife only gets 18-20 weeks per year of my full attention per year. You’ll get to warm my bed the other 32 weeks per year and we can keep each other company.”) This books help keep this from becoming your reality.

I am only 2 mo into a committed relationship with a widower and I’m glad I got my hands on this book early. It has validated my feelings and gave me the courage and words to set needed boundaries now. I started at chapter 28 for the quick guide info. I LOVE chapter 29- the letter to the widower. Now I’m starting at chapter 1 to get the supporting details. It’s straight forward, to the point, and easy to read. I’m already seeing results from the strategies learned from this book. My widower boyfriend has now taken some pictures down and removed the late wife’s rings from his neck. I’m filled with hope. Read it!

Wow....If not for One Heart Too Many I feel the relationship with my Widower would have ended in the first six months. In a world of comparison, competition, cheating, social separation, social media, divorce ect. a woman has to work hard enough to be the "only one", the sole source of emotional love, physical love in a relationship. It's human nature for a monogamous relationship to only have a heart for, think of and focus on the human at that you have chosen to live your life with. Not a woman who has passed away and is no longer here.Denise's book has helped me to see all of this! A healthy long lasting relationship is based on trust, commitment and loyalty. There is no loyalty when a heart is held on to by someone else. This book has helped to validate my feelings when my Widower would go to his past causingemotionalstress on me and our relationship. This book has helped me to not feel alone in a world of dating a widower when everyone else said my feelings aren't real. This book has helped me to be empowered as a woman, knowing that I am worth having a whole heart just as any other woman is. This book has helped myself and my widower to see that the present going into the future is what matters for the moment. If the man in my life wants, desires or needs to hold on to another woman in any shape or form then he is not a whole heart for me in my present.Mostly, this book One Heart Too Many has allowed me and my Widower to work through the most horrific circumstances of emotional distress caused by the widower holding on to his late wife. With this we are to marry on August 1st, 2020 which is a miracle as I was prepared to walk away, knowing I deserve a man that holds only me in his heart.Dont question yourself or your feelings. Dont accept being second. By all means dont be the Third Heart to any man. Get this book!

I have to admit that before being placed in my particular situation and having to look for resources for coping, I didn't know that the was a difference between a widow and a widower. I was able to take a few things from this book but not as much and I had hoped for. I am dealing with a widow and our situation couldn't be any different. I highly doubt I'll find a book on our situation so, I'm using the available sources there are and pulling from then what applies. I'm grateful for what I was able to take away from this book and I hope my continued efforts to find more help eventually presents itself.

This book is well written and easy to understand with multiple examples.A must-read for partner of a widower, written for women, however, easily applied to male or female, many good takeaways.

I like this book and it provided great insight into the struggles that woman face, dating or being married to a Widower. I find it a little one sided and not cutting the guys much of a break and putting the majority of the issues on the guys, when sometimes it is the woman just expecting too much - of any man. But overall, it is a great read with great insight. Very much worth reading.

This book - written by a widow who is engaged to a widower - is absolutely essential reading for any woman who is dating, in a relationship, or married to a widower, and is finding certain things difficult. Chapter by chapter, Denise Medany covers the most common issues women in this situation face.Number one: the widower's ongoing attachment to his late wife (LW). Yep - most of them jump into new relationships before they have sufficiently grieved. There's usually a whirlwind romance phase where they love bomb you and it's oh so magical and he's like no man you've ever met before...and then reality kicks in and the pain they tried to numb by throwing themselves into the new relationship returns, and they start to blow hot and cold, go all weird and avoidant, and become less invested in the relationship, as they experience delayed grief, sometimes compounded by guilt.There are often issues around photos of the LW around his house, or on his social media profiles. Issues to do with her personal belongings still around the house, ongoing references to her as 'my wife' and stories about what 'we' did. I spent the first few months dating my widower boyfriend feeling like I was sleeping with another woman's husband. Yuk. Like I was meeting certain needs (for companionship and sex) without getting my own needs met - because he wasn't fully emotionally available to me.Then there are issues to do with other people - family and friends who are hurt when the widower moves on, above all former in-laws and adult children.There are chapters on how to deal with being kept a secret from everyone, with feeling like you're being compared to the LW by the widower and by others, like you're just a replacement or a second best/ Plan B/ consolation prize. There are chapters on issues such as cemetery visits and other grieving or memorialising behaviours on significant dates, and social media issues.Each chapter not only provides examples of these behaviours, but most importantly, Denise offers simple but highly effective strategies for dealing with issues so that they stop causing immense hurt, and bring about the changes and progress we need and deserve in our relationships. Her message is simple: don't accept anything from a widower that you wouldn't accept in any other relationship. Be prepared to walk away if your needs aren't being met and you aren't being treated in the way you deserve. The book gives great examples of what to say or do in specific scenarios, that will help you stay true to yourself and protect yourself from getting hurt.Think about it - under other circumstances: Would you be cool with seeing couple photos of your boyfriend with another woman on display in the bedroom where he is having sex with you? Cool with being kept a secret from your boyfriend's family because your relationship 'might upset them'? Cool with regular ghosting or pulling back because your boyfriend is feeling sad about his previous partner?I spent the first few months dating my boyfriend being so concerned about being compassionate and sensitive to his loss, and scared to rock the boat, that I didn't pay any attention to my feelings and needs. When things didn't feel right (like when I saw his wedding photos from the bed where we were having sex) , I told myself I just needed to be more understanding, because dating a widower is different to dating a regular guy, that he needed time... Ummm....no, it's not different! Denise is clear that a widower should take ALL the time he needs to grieve the loss of his previous parter. BUT when he comes to the point of putting himself out there as emotionally available for a new relationship, he should be ready to give himself as fully to a new woman as he did to his late wife. She didn't have to put up with this kind of crap - why should we?!This book helped me find my confidence again, and find my voice. It gave me the validation that my feelings mattered, and that it wasn't wrong of me to hold my widower boyfriend to the same standards as I would any other man I might go out with. But even better, it helped me see that I had choices, and that I could and should take action in order to have the relationship I want and deserve. I can honestly say that it is thanks to the advice in this book (and the Facebook group called In Love With A Widower run by the book's author) that I am no longer an anxious, crying mess because of my relationship every week or two. I am so much happier and more confident, and to be honest we probably wouldn't still be together if I hadn't found this support.What's incredible is that I've actually learned so much about what a healthy relationship looks like since finding this book (and the Facebook group). I see now how little I focused on my own needs in previous (non-widower) relationships. I have learned about boundaries, self-love and how to communicate effectively about my feelings. Thank you Denise!

Have such a good insight and clarity for those of us dating a widower. Didn’t feel I was alone or unusual

This book is well written, & offers some real practical advice. It has already helped improve my relationship with a young widower (something with unique challenges I just wasn't prepared for). I was comforted to learn that I'm not alone in my struggles - which are amazingly similar to others Denise mentions in her book. Grateful she has shared her wisdom, & looking forward to a happy life with my widower now that I've learned to set healthy boundaries ♡

Dating a widower isn't for the feint hearted. I didn't know that when I fell in love with one.I read this book in one sitting - then read it again, and again.It validated my feelings, gave me the insights, the strength, the voice and the words to express myself to my W constructively and with kindness but without compromising myself. I have set boundaries with the words in this book.If I hadn't found Denise's FB group and her book I personally think my feelings would have festered and our relationship would have ultimately met its demise. The book is tough, hard hitting but gives those of us a calming voice of reason to set reasonable boundaries. It's a must read for any woman who is in a relationship with a W.