Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man

This is truly one of the top 3-5 best books I've ever read (and I read only non-fiction). It's not only very informational and insightful, but Emmanuel's writing style is excellent, keeping the reader interested and making an often comprehensive, heavy topic easy to read and to follow. I've followed the Acho brothers for years, as I went to grad school with Sam, so I've seen Emmanuel's videos on this topic; I've always admired how he's willing to tackle such a challenging topic. But I wish I would've read this book a lot sooner (it's been sitting in my ipad, but admittedly I didn't read as much as I would've liked the past couple years). It was the first book I picked up this year, and I finished it in less than 2 days. The way he structures the chapters and the questions he poses for each chapter are very intriguing and quite honestly, the questions that most white people have but are too afraid to ask. And yet, he does it with positivity and truth. I really appreciate it. I will certainly recommend this book to my friends and colleagues and will definitely be reading it periodically - and taking him up on the many recommendations of other books/essays he includes in his book.

This book made me grow as person and brought a lot of valid points and it’s nice touch that the author did not hold back while creating this God given book I always recommend it to people .

Emmanuel Acho is the son of Nigerian immigrants who went on to play in the NFL, became a popular television sports analyst, and started an online video series with the same name as this book. And, I must admit, I’ve never heard of him. I’m much older, white, and watch little NFL football.I was, however, intrigued by the title of this book, in part because I have always found every occasion with the greatest opportunity to teach us about ourselves just a little uncomfortable. And like a lot of people of every race I am at a loss to explain why we are still having the black/white conversation. Not that we don’t need to have it, mind you, now more than ever, but how can that be? Is somebody putting something in the water?The answer is yes, figuratively speaking, but first a little about the style and structure of the book. The book is true to its title, which you don’t always find these days. Emmanuel starts each chapter with the kind of question on a lot of white minds (questions that he has actually received, not softballs of his own making) and then proceeds to answer that question in a rational, common sense way. He uses the word “uncomfortable” a lot but if this book makes you uncomfortable there is no honest book on this topic that is going to be acceptable to you.Many of the questions have to do with the whole notion of systemic. Is racism systemic? Of course it is. How could we possibly live in our current world and it not be systemic?I think there are two issues that give rise to this argument/confusion. The first has to do with mathematics. In any data pool there is never going to be one of anything. Of course there is black-on-black violence. But there is plenty of white-on-white violence, too. The race of the participants is meaningless. And while there must certainly be angry black men, I have met no shortage of angry white men as well. There might even be more of the latter, even on a per capita basis. (Did you follow the election on either side?)The second issue is the whole institution of vocabulary and the words on which it is built. Words do not exist naturally, like rain or bauxite. We made words up to assist in our communication. Which means that we made them up in our own image, to rationalize our personal worldview. But that is why words must be understood in the context of those with the power to shape the vocabulary. Of course all lives matter, but there is no context to that phrase. It is meaningless and clearly not on a par with black lives matter. The latter has context and cannot be conflated with nothingness.The word that I believe fuels racism the most is seldom mentioned – merit. The most common fallacy you hear from racists and supremacists is that the US is a meritocracy. If one race isn’t getting ahead to the same degree it’s only because they aren’t trying as hard. That’s baloney. Merit may count, in the US more than elsewhere perhaps, but we do not live in a meritocracy or anything close to it. (And don’t bring up the Asian comparison. Again, context. Asian immigrants go through a double selection process that blacks do not.)Getting ahead is not a meritocratic process. Again, it only exists in context. Even in sports. Name the five greatest linebackers of all time. You will be wrong. You are entitled to your opinion and there are some that are better than others and that is obvious to everyone. But the best? Football is a team sport. It’s played under different playing conditions every game, and against teams of forever changing skills and talent. Even the rules change over time.Which is also why the fact that there are wealthy and successful black people is irrelevant. So what? What does that have to do with racism? On any objective basis, nothing.And why I believe we have to change two things before we can create a more fair and just society. The first is that we must change the way in which we fund education. The belief that rich families deserve better education is an extension of the meritocracy myth. And we must take the money out of politics. Money is structurally racist. Of that there can be no denial. (For every wealthy black entertainer or athlete there is a gaggle of super-wealthy white hedge fund managers.) And as long as there are our politics will continue to be structurally racist. We promote what we are.Emmanuel’s ultimate suggestion is just to talk. Let’s get the issues into the open and start a dialogue. I am all for that but do not believe that will solve the problem until we are ready to put that dialogue in context and to understand that the exception does not invalidate the rule.I want my daughters to see color. I just want them to see it in context. I want them to see it for what it is. It is color; nothing more, nothing less. To say that you don’t see color is to say, in fact, that color is everything.This is a very good book, well written, and while it addresses a lot of questions that ignore context in their asking, what Emmanuel ultimately does is to put those tough questions into the right context. We should listen.

I can't recommend this book enough. It outlines a lot of chronic myths and misinformation, explains why they're misguided, and gives strategies for changing behavior.

I’ve been wanting to read this for some time now, and it was just about what I expected. I personally haven’t seen the authors online program that was the basis for this book, but I’ll admit that I’m tempted to look into it now. I blew through about the first third of this book in one sitting, and honestly felt it was one of the most engaging and fascinating things I’ve ever read. Though I read the last 2/3 pretty quickly and also in big chunks, I felt like I lost a little of the momentum that I had gained reading it from the beginning, so I almost suggest that you try to read this in one sitting, if possible. This book isn’t the definitive statement on racism, and I don’t think it’s meant to be. It’s supposed to be the beginning of a conversation, a dialogue with white people to help them understand where so many of these black concepts are coming from.Author Emmanuel Acho does not speak from a place of hate, but from a place of concern, justified anger, and a serious desire for things to change. People that submitted the questions that he answered in this book had some pretty interesting ideas, including some questions that I had myself, and it was nice to have them answered in some form, if not definitively. I found this book to be educational and enlightening, and it has certainly given me a lot to think about. There are a few ideas that I found myself disagreeing with it first, but Acho does a terrific job backing up his statements with a lot of research, so I can definitely see where he’s coming from in the end. I think the most important thing that I took from this, is that as a 30 something white person, one of the most important things I can do is keep an open mind, and be willing to change my thoughts and feelings if ever necessary. I definitely do not consider myself racist, but I’m sure I’m far from perfect.One of the easiest examples I can think of for a way that I’ve already changed my feelings about an aspect of the topics covered in this book, was how I feel about the National Anthem kneeling protests. I still completely understand why both sides feel as passionate as they do about it, and I think everyone is entitled to their feelings, but I have personally felt a shift about this over the last few years. Originally I saw it as disrespectful and it was at least mildly upsetting to me, until it was explained to me that it was a peaceful protest and a respectful one. Kneeling is non-violent, and does nothing to desecrate the American flag, unlike many of the protest during the Vietnam war, where the symbol of America was often burned, torn down, or stepped on. Like I said, I don’t expect everyone to completely change their stance on this, but I definitely understand more of where the protesters are coming from than I did before. This is just one of many aspects of these conversations that really should take place with everyone, and I think this book is a terrific first step for anyone that wants to broaden their mind and feelings about racism and race in general in this country. I would honestly love to have a conversation with Mr. Acho if I ever had the chance, in this book is written as if he were speaking to you directly, and I think that is a very important and positive choice.

I highly recommend as required reading.Emmanuel Acho very succinctly, movingly, and informatively wrote this as an extension of his videos. Well thought-out and written.

I think everyone, no matter race, should read this for clarity and understanding.

Very knowledgeable and interesting. Helpful

The book delivers a strong message on the importance of education about systemic racism in the USA, and the urgent need for conversations about all the abuses of (white) American society on the African American community. I'm not a big fan of the format of the book (i.e. conversation-style), but that's a matter of personal taste. What I actually disliked is the mixing of historical facts and anecdotes with the author's personal views on certain topics, like R&B music and transcultural couples. The language is simple and direct, which is probably instrumental to the author's goal of reaching as broad of an audience as possible. At times, broader historical background and deeper analysis of socio-economical factors would have been appreciated. Overall a nice introduction to the problem of systemic racism in the USA.

I fully recommend this book to anyone who wants to be more conscientious and learn to be anti-racist and an ally to their black friends, coworkers, or family.  He explains how black people are still oppressed in America and what systemic racism is, by citing some serious studies. Emmanuel is concise and to the point. He clearly explains what white privilege is, why cultural appropriation is a slippery slope and why using the “n’ word and black face is never acceptable. White people are part of the solution. At the end of each chapter, he lists things we can do to support equality and be an ally. The suggestions range from reflecting on our privilege and implicit bias and having uncomfortable conversations with our black friends to supporting movie/song/poem/books and being involved in data collection, elections, diversity committees, attending protests, signing petitions, and much more. He went so far as to list specific ones to check out.   His perspective is american though. I found myself curious about how things compared in Canada. A lot is tied up in academic study. Few newspaper articles takled the subject. Start with Statistic Canada. They have done some great studies and its public.

Unfortunately there is a theme of misogyny that comprises this message. A focus on race, but through a specific gender lens.

A wonderful read that will resonate with a wide audience. I read it as someone who wants to be a better ally, and the book did not disappoint. It was broken into logical sections, drew upon examples, and made suggestions for what you can do--and what you shouldn't--on your journey to allyship. Highly recommended!