The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade

In 1964, when I was 12, my 17-year-old cousin Beverly got pregnant by her boyfriend . The two got married, but her new husband left her when she was just two months from delivering. I remember being told, "she never saw the baby" and it was fairly evident that her mother had forced her into adoption.The whole story was shocking to a 12-year-old and it stuck with me my whole life. Now, I'm a playwright, and in brainstorming new ideas for my next play, I thought about my cousin's story. Unfortunately, she won't talk about it, so I decided to start researching girls in the 1960s, forced to surrender their children against their will. I came across this book, which is extraordinary because of all the first-hand accounts from Fessler's interviews with over a hundred women. The stories were unique, but shared many common traits, for example, the shame, the mind-control, and how they were bullied into signing adoption papers. If you were Catholic, and taken to a maternity home run by the Church, you were told, "If you have a baby from pre-marital sin, you must give it to a couple that can't have children of their own. It's God's plan, and if you don't concur, you'll burn in hell."What is really shocking is how these girls were actually tied down to the delivery table, knocked out, and forced to go through labor alone. When they woke up, they got very little information (in some cases they weren't even told their child's gender) and were often told, "If you don't sign the adoption papers you'll be responsible for thousands of dollars in fees to cover all your expenses while you were here." The horror my cousin went through had its impact, and she was never the same. And today, she won't talk about it, and neither will her siblings. After all these years (she's now 75) the family won't relieve her of the shame. It's incredible.These stories are heart-wrenching, especially Ruth, who's mother-in-law made a false statement on her adoption records that Ruth had no interest in her baby when in fact, the opposite was true.It's an incredibly well-researched book and I could barely put it down. I highly recommend it.

I didn't realize what the young women experienced in the 40s and 50s when they were unmarried and pregnant. It was heartbreaking to read, but very insightful. It makes me feel compassion for anyone to give up their child for adoption, even today. It is never an easy choice, and I would be hesitant about recommending adoption to anyone.

As the unacknowledged daughter of "A Girl Who Went Away", Ann Fessler's book was a tough read for me. So it's not accurate for me to say that I "enjoyed" the book. However, I found it to be a well-written, well researched and riveting.This book is the product of many interviews that the author (an adoptee) conducted with birth mothers from the "Baby Scoop Era" -- Post WWII to 1973 and the passage of Roe v. Wade. The stories of other women who found themselves single and pregnant in an era where single motherhood wasn't accepted gave me insight into what my birth mother experienced when she became pregnant at 19.The birth mother's stories told in this book speak honestly and openly to the secrecy and the shame that they experienced when they became pregnant. It delves into what they experienced as they were sent away to live in maternity homes, left to give birth to their first child scared and alone. The women interviewed also make it clear that they never forgot the experience. Each had their own way of moving forward with their lives, but none of them forgot the experience and none of them were the same after their experience.The experiences of those who chose to search or were found by their surrendered child are also included the book.This book is well researched. The stories of the women interviewed are supplemented with Fessler's extensive research into social norms and adoption practices from the late 1940's to 1973. I believe it is a must read for any adoptee born in this era and for the women who became "A Girl Who Went Away".(I have also seen Ann Fessler's documentary, "A Girl Like Her", also based on interviews with birth mothers. It is well worth searching out a screening.)

Great book

As an adoptee I found it fascinating to hear another point of view. I met my birth mother and she said very little about giving me up. Her mother made her do it through a “home”.

This book was SUPER depressing. But, it just goes to show what a world without choice creates and the enduring pain women go through — how we are told time and again to get over it, forget it, or move on. And how some of us just can’t.This book also illustrates and debunks a common myth that women who give up their children for adoption “don’t want their kid”. Many of them do, they just felt they had to — in order to meet societies standards. It’s heartbreaking.I’d recommend you read in small doses and have tissues handy. I rarely cry and this book was very emotional!! It brought up a lot of feelings. ❤️

A must read for adoptees

This is such a well written book. The structure, the content, the voice of the author, and most of all--the stories of women who were forced to give up their children, and the emotional toll that took on their entire lives.

This book will make you think about adoption in a completely different way. I had no idea that women were given no choice or say in their pregnancy, they were actually forced to go through with adoption. I thought it was very interesting that one woman who was forced into adoption, and then later had an abortion with another pregnancy, found the adoption much, much more emotionally painful. I think that stood out the most for me, but all of the narratives and quotes are extremely powerful.It is both heartbreaking and enlightening.