Love Worth Making

Very well written for common people to understand. Especially the approach to love making as an physical and emotional act rather than just physical. I'm glad I read this.

An eye opener.

Great book on maintaining a great relationship with your partner. I have recommended it to friends.

A really insightful book. So reassuring to see many happy couples like us, simply worn down by life. And needing to take action to reignite that side of things. Certainly not happening for lack of love!

I've read this book at least three times. There are so many real life examples that I can relate to throughout the book, the underlying message is communication. I like that this isn't a sex book, it's not about how to have great sex, it's about the psychology of relationships and how fragile our sexual ego's are. The book is written in such a clear and easy to understand way. The author doesn't pretend to have all the answers but he definitely understands the deeper issues that people may have experienced. It's not going to solve people's problems but it will give an insight into the psychology of those problems and give ideas on how to work through them. Also covers same sex relationships which adds to the fact that probably all of us struggle with relationships at some point in our lives.I'll probably keep coming back to this book over the years to attempt to tackle my own issues without paying for therapy.

Lettura consigliatissima a chiunque sia interessato alla psicologia delle relazioni sentimentali, ma anche al lettore medio. Il tono è informale e chiaro. I concetti presentati sono facilmente assimilabili anche grazie ai numerosi esempi pratici che l'autore presenta, costituiti da racconti di svariate coppie tratti dalla sua esperienza di terapista.

Forget the title. Like “listicles”, it seems that publishers believe that every sexuality book has to market itself this way or die. This book doesn’t teach about how to have “ridiculously good sex”. It’s not actually a how-to book, it’s a how-to-understand book—which is probably a better idea. Snyder takes his many years of experience working with couples and shares some very helpful ideas. I found many gems in this book, and I can recommend it as a good read that may be instrumental for many who struggle with repetitive sexual problems in their relationship or relationships.First, it must be noted (as the author himself states) that Snyder works mostly with cisgender, heterosexual couples, so even though there are one or two examples of queer couples in his book, it is largely a straight, cis lens. Having said this, many of his insights are intra-psychic as well as interpersonal, and as such, may be relatable across the queer-straight divide. Also of note is that Snyder is religious, and this comes through in his quotes as well as his values. For what it’s worth, I found him unpreachy, and I appreciated that the author reveals his faith early so that the reader can decide what may and may not be relevant to them. He also uses language and concepts that are relatable to many different expressions of spirituality.Now for the gems. I found many. Snyder has been in practice a long time—over 30 years. He has learned a lot, and passes it on to his readers. He begins by talking about the sexual self as well as sexual feelings, and how to care for them. He lays out some key pieces of the psychological end of arousal. He speaks of the sexual self—an interpretation of Avodah Offit’s work--as a less-than verbal, simple (but not easy) part of ourselves. Within this insight come many:• “If it feels like work, don’t do it. Sex should never feel like work, as you know.”• “You don’t have to return your partner to a state of quiescence every time they get excited.”• “It’s absolutely crucial that when you go looking for (erotic inspiration), that you first look within yourself.”If you’re reading this and find yourself critical of these insights, or if they seem simplistic, I encourage you to read them within the context of the book, where they make more sense and are placed in a much deeper frame of reference. I can’t do the richness of Snyder’s writing and thinking justice in this brief review.Snyder also discusses the deterioration of the Sensate Focus method to the point where it is now practiced in the opposite manner it was intended, due to decades of poor communication of the concept. He calls for a return to the original method, which made this sexologist take note to research this in greater depth.The author sets up a lot of great models for his couples: The Two-Step, the Simmer, arousal models. He also discusses what he calls “Sex Knots”—common conundrums couples become engaged in, and offers some simple fixes to try at the book’s end.He also has a great sense of humor. One of my favorite lines from the first chapter, “There are better ways of handling a ‘no.’ They all involve first resolving not to freak out.’” He calls a section on scent, “Of Sweaty T-Shirts and the Tops of Baby’s Heads.” It’s a fun read.But it’s also a deep read, because in the end, Snyder is prescribing a return not to sex per se, but to erotic life. He’s prescribing mindfulness, attention, playfulness, spirit, intimacy and joy, all in the not unreasonable hope that in becoming more erotically alive, the reader can also become more sexually alive.It’s not a “how-to” book. It’s a “why” and a “what” book. As such, it may actually live up to its title.