The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage Paperback – January 26, 2016

I read the reviews before deciding to purchase this book, and took a chance based on the many (simple) positive reviews. For a quick read, this is a remarkably profound and encouraging book. Whether you're considering marriage or have been married for years, it's a simple (yet challenging) Relationship 101 course, to help refresh, remind and reinvigorate... and who doesn't need that?! It also has something to say about ALL relationships, not just marriage. The principals in this book will help any relationship (or individual) become happier and healthier. Of course, the two people who wrote the book are both relatively healthy emotionally, so I must add, as a Life Coach, that if you are in a marriage with an unhealthy person, these principals won't work. But read the book first to see if that person might in some way, be you, before coming to any conclusions. :) In fact, now that I think about it, I'll be passing this along to my young adult daughters to give them an understanding of what a healthy marriage looks like, since more than ever we need mentors who model realistic, blessed and happy marriages.

I am a UMC Pastor and have used this book for for premarital counseling for about a dozen couples. It is a great book for deeply religious Christians and for those new to the faith. I've also used it for non-religious couples, who also found it very helpful. It is written with inclusive language, so can be used for a variety of couples. It also has fantastic discussion questions for each chapter. Highly recommend this book!

You may not have heard, but Rob Bell put out a new book. More specifically, Rob and his wife, Kristen, dropped a book last week called The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage. (Now that Rob has published a marriage book and Mark Driscoll has resigned from his Mars Hill Church, the eerily-similar career trajectory of these two guys continues to get creepier).The Zimzum of Love is a short, quick read. As with most of Rob’s books, it’s light and playful, while not shying away from deeper waters. It’s good. It’s helpful. Did I mention it’s short? Is it worth your time?The Zimzum of Love claims to be a new way to understand marriage. Is it?Yes… and no. Depends on who you’re talking to. When Rob left his church in 2012, he made a conscious decision to step out of pastoring in a church to pastoring outside the Church. His last book - What We Talk About When We Talk About God – reflects that trajectory, and The Zimzum of Love. In other words, Christians looking for a deep book on marriage should probably go check out Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage instead.Rob and Kristen wrote a book on Christian marriage for non-Christian people.The Zimzum of Love is a celebration of the sacramental nature of marriage, grounded in Trinitarian life and love of God. You won’t find the word “sacrament” anywhere in the book (and Trinity only once or twice), but that’s the point. This picture of marriage is good news to people who don’t know it, but only if they can understand it.Rob and Kristen use language that sounds much more at home on the O Network than in a pulpit. This will doubtless make Evangelicals looking for something to complain about happy; they’ll surely find the confirmation they were seeking that Rob has abandoned Orthodox Christianity in favor of the trendy spirituality-lite. That’s an exceptionally uncharitable reading of the book, and if that’s what you choose, it’s too bad, because you’ll miss the real benefits of the book for both Christians and non-Christians.The Zimzum of Love should be read more like a latter-day incarnation of Paul’s sermon at Mars Hill.Rob and Kristen show Christians a new way to talk about marriage. (Well, it’s not actually new… Christians have been talking about marriage as a sacrament for quite a long time. Evangelicals just aren’t very good at it these days.) As did Paul, he begins where people outside the Church are and invites them slowly, inexoribly closer to the center of the life of the Trinity.Their thesis is that marriage is sacramental. Whether you’re explicitly, intentionally following Jesus or not, marriage can orient you towards God. Marriage can be an opportunity for and means of grace in your life, if you choose to play along. As they say:"Marriage has the uniquely powerful capacity to transform you both into more loving and generous and courageous and compassionate people."The Zimzum of Love explores what exactly a sacramental marriage looks like. They begin, of course, with the concept of zimzum. Though they borrow the concept from Jewish mysticism, they steer clear of the rabbit hole, settling for a simple explanation:"[Rabbis contend] that for something to exist that wasn’t God, God had to contract or withdraw from a certain space so that something else, something other than God, could exist and thrive in that space. And the word they used for this divine contraction is zimzum. God zimzums so that everything we know to be everything can exist and thrive."Rob and Kristen use the concept of zimzum as a picture of the self-sacrificing love that is the heart of the trinity. They don’t “go there” until nearly the end of the book, but a discerning theological reader should pick up on that right away (again, the brilliance of the book). The rest of the book, then is a movement from zimzum to Trinity, exploring what it looks like to love another person with this sort of self-effacing love, a love that makes intentional space for the Other within the Self.And if that sounds heady and complicated, don’t worry. The Zimzum of Love is anything but. It’s clear, compelling, accessible and practical.Rob and Kristen use humor, wit and lots of personal anecdotes to make the book an easy but helpful read. Their vision of marriage is inspiring and exciting. It’s not easy – and they’re open about that. They also offer questions at the end of the book to help a couple walk through the book together.I do a lot of weddings, for both Christian and non-Christian couples. Ever since I read Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage, it’s been my go-to for Christian couples. But as excellent as Keller’s book is, the degree to which it’s steeped in Christian language and theology makes it off-putting for people who aren’t Christians. I’ve found myself using ideas and concepts from the book rather than the book itself.I plan to offer non-Christian couples The Zimzum of Love. Rob and Kristien articulate many of the same ideas and theological truths, but in ways that are more accessible and relatable for people who aren’t Jesus-followers. Rob and Kristen present Marriage as an invitation into the life of God. As they say near the end of the book:"In this trinitarian understanding of God, love is the engine of the universe, the life force that surges through all of creation… This love takes us back to that first impulse you had to zimzum for this person you love. When you zimzum, you are aligning yourself with the most foundational creative energies of the universe. You’re experiencing the same love that sustains the world."The Zimzum of Love is an excellent resource for the Church.Marriage done well can connect us to the first love of creation.It doesn’t take a Counseling degree to see that the larger culture doesn’t care to hear what the Church has to say about marriage. At the same time, relationships in our culture are a mess. We’re more alone, more isolated, than at any point in our history.Our culture hasn’t quit listening to the Church because what we have to say is untrue. Christian marriage is still the best hope we have to know and be known as we truly desire. Our message has become irrelevant because we’re not speaking the language of our culture anymore (and because our marriages aren’t particularly compelling all-too-often).While traditional theological language may be very helpful for those inside the Church (and I mean inside the Church tradition – we have plenty of people in our buildings who are theological outsiders), more and more of our culture is outside the Christian theological tradition. If we want to speak meaningfully to them about love and relationships and sex and all the other things wrapped up in marriage, we must learn to speak their language.The Zimzum of Love is an excellent starting point for us to learn how to speak meaningfully about marriage with those outside the Church.One final note – most people who have followed Rob Bell know that shortly after he left Mars Hill, he came out in support of Marriage Equality. Early in the book, he and Kristen make it clear that wasn’t a misquote:"Marriage – gay and straight – is a gift to the world because the world needs more – not less – love, fidelity, commitment, devotion, and sacrifice."Disagreeing with Rob about this point is enough to make many Evangelicals toss the book across the room and quit reading.I would challenge you to keep reading, no matter what your views on this issue are. Here’s why:First, that’s literally the only time in the book the issue comes up. Throughout the rest of the book, Rob and Kristen speak about “husbands and wives” - even eschewing the language of “partners”. I spent some time trying to figure out why they chose to do this and couldn’t for the life of me. I would assume a gay couple reading this book might still feel alienated by the rest of the marriage language in the book. And since Rob is always so careful about his words, I am not sure what to make of this.Second, whether you agree with Rob and Kristen’s view on Marriage Equality or not, their sacramental view of marriage is still spot-on. If you think only straight marriages are sacramental, but Rob and Kristen think gay marriages are too, you can still benefit from the picture of marriage they endorse in the book. That one sentence aside, Marriage Equality doesn’t show up once in the whole book, not even obliquely.So does The Zimzum of Love offer a new way to think about marriage?Yes. For non-Christians, it offers a powerful, sacramental view of marriage as an invitation into the deep mystery of God. For Christians, it offers a fresh, meaningful way to talk about distinctively Christian, Trinitarian marriage with those who are outside the Christian theological tradition. Rob and Kristen point us toward incarnational language that invites us all to have healthier, more loving marriages. As they conclude:When you are faithful to each other, zimzuming as you act for the well-being of the other, the space between you becomes a place in the universe that isn’t broken and divided but one and whole… There is a larger purpose to your marriage… one that shapes each of you into better people as it makes the world a better place.BOTTOM LINE: The Zimzum of Love offers a powerful vision of marriage in language our culture can understand and engage. It’s not written for Christians, but Christians can use it as a guide to engage the larger world.

An meaningful and approachable exploration of the mutuality of marriage and the opportunities (and challenges) that this unique relationship creates. Sparked lots of great conversation with my wife and I and gave us language for things we see in our marriage.If you've already read Rob's books like Sex God, Velvet Elvis, or Love Wins, you'll see that the Zimzum of Love rides on the theological roads that Rob has already explored in a lot more detail. In fact, if a couple wanted to dig in more deeply to the biblical and theological concepts surfaced in Zimzum, I'd point them right to Sex God.That said, having read all of Rob's stuff, I don't feel that Zimzum is too dumbed down. It's approachable and faithful in a way that I'd feel comfortable with it as one resource among many with doing Christian pre-marital counseling. While you could certainly take "energy" language and try and divorce it from Rob and Kristen's Christian background and framework, the book really doesn't. I'd rather meet people where they are and help them explore from there.Overall, Zimzum is a good start to the journey. If it gives couples a new perspective and new words to help them live into their marriage more faithfully and lovingly, the book has accomplished its mission.

I read it in just a few hours. I loved the fun marital banter between Rob and Kristen that was peppered throughout the book. The stick figure drawings were fun, simple, yet effective visual representations of the ideas presented in the different chapters. I really enjoyed the open, honest, non-judgmental, unimposing thoughts and religious references, more educational than preachy (I don't do well with preachy) and very sincere. My next move will probably be to read it over again, but this time out loud with my husband...Nice job Kristen & Rob. Thank you for sharing a little of your sacred space with the rest of us!

This is a cool book. Rob Bell teams up with his wife, Kristen, to share some great tips for relationships of every stripe, as well as some helpful advice for life that is not contingent upon interacting with anyone. 'The Zimzum of Love', like all of Mr. Bell's books, is presented in an easy-to-read format with some fairly deep ideas outlined in very simple ways. Great book!

Easy to read.Logical formatRob and Kristen provide their unique thoughts and feelings on marriageLoved it! Highly valued read

As the title promises, the book has given me a fresh understanding of my marriage--especially the need to pay attention to the space between us and the importance of keeping that sacred. My wife recently returned from a five week pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago. My paying attention to that space has really helped.

Excellent book which I would describe as a GREAT and PRACTICAL way of viewing and LIVING marriage. I couldn't put it down; it 's that riveting! This is a must read for singles, dating/courting couples as well as married couples. I certainly found my 'Centre'! Thank you Rob and Kristen. May God continue to bless you eternally as you both continue to positively influence and impact the world.

This isn’t a book to save your marriage. But if you’re in a good place and want to just make it better and deeper there’s some neat thoughts and ideas here that you’ll enjoy.It’s not the deepest book on marriage you’ll ever read, but if you love your partner why not take the 90 mins it takes to read this book and enjoy thinking about how to love them more deeply.

I read this because of the title and because it is written by Rob Bell HE AND HIS WIFE together give a unique perspective on marriage and God