This is NOT a self-help book... Here, you will not find any quick tips and tricks on how to live a fabulous life free of suffering or fear or confusion. The approach I outline here goes against most of the popular ways to tackle depression, anxiety or general malaise. But it is an approach that allowed me to dig deep into my own authenticity, be honest with myself and start to make real, lasting changes in my life. I was petrified to really put myself out there, to look at myself as I was, without any bullshit. But then I realized that the pain of living inauthentically was greater than the pain of taking a risk and being myself. This book is about one thing: authenticity. When two people encounter each other and interact through their masks, they never really get the opportunity to connect with authenticity. Only the masks engage, while the real people underneath might as well have never met. The one thing that could have been a genuine relief and source of joy for them – human connection – is forfeited so they can both play-act at being what they’re not. So, they get the illusion of happiness and fulfillment instead of real happiness and fulfillment. They both go home, take their masks off and think, “why am I so alone? Why is it so hard to really connect with people? Why doesn’t anyone understand the real me, the person I am deep inside?” When we lie to others and tell them we’re OK when we’re not, we’re killing the possibility for genuine interaction. We rob one another of authentic response to another authentic human. We forgo real conversations and honest exchange of information for role-play. If you’re in the same boat as I was, I can’t tell you what your changes are meant to be. I can’t say what goals you should make for yourself, or what you should value, or what you should do. But I can tell you that you will never truly understand those things for yourself unless you’re courageous enough to sit comfortably with your own negativity. And nobody can do that but you. This is the height of self-love: to look at yourself, all of yourself, and accept it. Your life right now, not the life that you are told you have or should have, or the life you paint on social media or tell people you have, but your real life, well, that necessarily entails some negativity. But this negativity isn’t a mistake, it isn’t a sign that you’re doing things wrong and it isn’t something that needs fixing. Rather, pain, fear, anger and loneliness are all valuable parts of the human experience. These emotions don’t limit or stop your happiness – they actively help you shape it, if you are brave enough to engage with them.
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