Never Split The Difference Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. By Chris Voss Paperback 23 Mar 2017

This is a phenomenal book, written by an author who spent the majority of his 24 years career as the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and its hostage negotiation representative for the National Security Council’s Hostage Working Group. Apart from trained by the bureau, he was also trained in Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School.But first and foremost, his negotiation techniques come directly from the tried and tested field, from his experience in the deep jungle of Ecuador, to the separatist area of the Philippines, the slumps of Tahiti, to the many occurrences from within the US including bank robberies, a prison coup, and that bomb threat incident that got Washington DC into a lockdown for 48 hours. Indeed, reading this book feels like watching a very intense action movie, with all the detailed, chaotic, and super-tense scenes.The many real-life lessons in the book also come from business world, board meeting battles, investment negotiations, and the various cases that his students faced, from high stake deals to as menial as asking a salary raise.Constructed the book using these real-life events, the author, Chris Voss, guides us through the negotiation tactics that worked and also the ones that didn’t, which ones became the FBI’s standard practice and which ones were so disastrous they literally cost lives and became the standard of what NOT to do. It is as if we jump directly into these many negotiation situations ourselves and Voss gives us on-the-job training and provides us with the pointers to the live action, which is exhilarating.And those techniques that became time-tested and have since molded into something near perfection? Voss teaches them all in this book.So what are the negotiation techniques? At its core lies active listening. Using a relaxed and friendly tone (or as Voss refer as “midnight FM DJ’s tone”), we first try to establish a rapport early on and listen to what our counterpart actually want, labelling their emotions, and validating their words (with the “I see”, “ok”, “uh-huh”, “yes” words).We then use mirroring, effective pauses, and calibrated questions to prompt for more reactions and dig for more information, all of which we eventually paraphrase and summarise to show them that we really understand their point of view, in order to create enough trust and feeling of safety for the real conversation to begin.In between the sequences, Voss teaches us several hacks, such as explaining why getting a “no” early on is important instead of getting two of the three “yes” (counterfeit, confirmation, and commitment). While a non-commitment “yes” can be used to just get away from the situation, a “no” can actually be an initial word to establish a sense of safety, security, and control for our counterpart, an important inner environment to get them relaxed and ready for a fruitful talk.The sequence then proceeds with the objection of getting a “that’s right” from them after we provide the summary, which would confirm where they stand in this negotiation and thus we can get a better measure of our leverages. Voss highlighted that there are 3 different types of leverage that we could identify in the conversation: positive (the ability to give people what they want), negative (the ability to hurt people), and normative (covers the principles and values that our counterpart have).Apart from leverages, different types of characters can also play a big role in the negotiation process, which Voss categorised into 3: the analyst, the accommodator, and the assertive. And he provides all the necessary tools on how to deal with each different one of them.Of course, the sequence is not rigid and should be fluid depending on the conversation, as we size them up, influence their sizing up on us, while keeping an eye on any potential Black Swans - which are clearly shown in the real-life examples. But none of these tools matter if we cannot control our own emotions, which is a critical part of the interaction. As Voss remark, “[i]f you can’t control your own emotions, how can you expect to influence the emotions of another party?”Negotiation is something we do every single day, whether we realised it or not, no matter how big or small, whether against a high profile counterpart or just bargaining with your own self. It serves two distinct but vital life functions - information gathering and behaviour influencing - where each party wants something from the other side. Hence, this book is a vital one to read, perhaps even one of the most important books you’ll ever going to read, due to its direct practicality for every kind of human interaction in any given situation.The importance of the lessons in this book can be seen from the 339 notes that I highlighted, almost twice as many as my normal average of 150+ in any book. It is easily the best book that I’ve read this year, and it’s right up there in the list of my favourite of all time.

Best negotiating education ever. A few decades ago, I studied negotiation. Then I applied it during my time in corporate America and then -- with more stress -- for the 14 years that I owned my own company. I did well.But, what I missed were very specific techniques at a very basic level. Voss covers those in detail. Mirroring and "No" for a couple of examples. I had read about mirroring and tried to apply it -- but the techniques I read were always vague. Voss makes his techniques specific and easily learned.I have applied Voss's techniques in my day to day interactions. Outstanding results. Hard to incorporate them all at once, but I work at it every day.I have now read this book cover to cover 2 times. I told that to the guy who recommended it to me. He indicated that he had read it a least 3 times. And, he negotiates daily in his business.This book is a very worthy education.

I decided to get this book after I listened to Chris Voss on a podcast talking about the skills he teaches. I then read some reviews that said this book was the most practical book there is on negotiations. This book dispelled so many myths I was holding about negotiations. It made the process seem less scary and less aggressive and adversarial. I loved the way Voss teaches skills that anyone can learn, practice, and apply. these are skills that you can use every single day not just in a formal negotiation. As he says, life is a series of negotiations. We negotiate several times a day, but we just don't realize it. I've already tried the mirroring and labeling skills in regular, everyday conversations, and they work! I'm going to try it out at my next work function. I'm an introvert and feel so awkward at these events. I never know what to say or talk about, but mirroring and labeling may be just what I need to get through the night. Voss isn't only teaching negotiation skills. He's also teaching skills on persuasion and influence. This is an easy read packed with so much useful, valuable information. Voss' style is funny and straightforward and packed with a punch for impact.

One of the reviews i read about this book stated that "this book is such an eye opener"! I tried very hard to enjoy this book, and persevered as much as i could but the writing style is hard to connect with and i found the author to be quite egotistical whilst making outrageous claims backed up with "Trump-esque" back stories eg it was a very very bad situation... but i did something really really great... probably better than anyone has ever handled a situation like this before blah blah! There is nothing new in this book. I still have no idea how this book could have gotten such great reviews. Poor examples throughout, very boringly written and page after page became more and more frustrating. This is not an eye-opener! I struggled to keep my eyes open!!I had high hopes for this book... waste of money. I've just thrown it into the bin!

I have read the book and watched a pile of Chris Voss Youtube videos.This stuff works a treat if, and only if you are willing to put the methods into practiceon a daily basis. I am using it constantly every single day and it has produced amazing results.As Chris Voss said "everything is a negotiation" and I would agree 100% it's just i've never noticed it before..but i do now.Try it out for yourself, you will be surprised at how effective it is.Just be prepared to put in the work required to learn a new skill. I really had to laugh at one of the negative reviews that implied they shouldnow be a skilled negotiator as if reading the book once worked like some sort of osmosis straight from Chris Voss.Yeah...get real mate.

Great book. The stories Chris tells helps me to retain the concepts he's putting across and those concepts really do seem to work.A couple of weeks after starting the book I negotiated a vendor at work from a 'list price' of about £68,000 for some equipment down to about £22,000*, partly by applying techniques from this book. Given that I spent £4.45 on the book, I think it's paid for itself by now.*Obviously, having read the book my final offer was not a rounded number. Read it yourself, and you'll see what I mean.

I occasionally saw an interview with Chris Voss on YouTube and it mentioned this book, so I decided to get the book. It turned out this probably the best few quid I have spent in a very long time.I am half way through the book, it took a while to read as I have decided to digest the techniques and to see how effective they are.I have applied mirroring, showing empathy labelling techniques when I communicating with my daughter and I found I have stopped saying no to her automatically and the relationship has improved since.

I’m enjoying the book but I’m dismayed by the poor quality of the book with some pages printed in a way that sentences are missing. I’ve never seen this before. See pictures.The poor printing is not the whole book and only on a dozen pages. But still, very disappointing.