The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your Good Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

I am taking my time reading this, I am finding lots of 'aha' moments whilst reading, this is incredibly dense yet very accessible (I am not an academic), it is not against working on our strengths or any other aim of Positive Psychology, I think it zooms out and helps us look at and accept ourselves in a more wholesome manner.It is an excellent book, I think it will be a challenge for the authors to surpass this one.

A healthy, and much needed, look at being human - "warts and all". Refreshing

Being American, none of the dark side stuff is particularly dark!However, it still makes for an interesting read and a timely reminder - before we all end up like the Americans - that all emotions are valid, not just the easy or good ones.

loved it.

Great - as described

This book is a breath of fresh air amongst positive psychology books ~ I really like the insights and appreciate and accept that our full range of emotions play a part in driving our success and fulfillment, the authors discuss life aspirations that goes beyond happiness to WHOLENESS!! #UpsideDarkSide 5 STARS!!!!!

The Whitman observation reminds me of the lyrics Joni Mitchell composed for one of her most popular songs:"I've looked at life from both sides now,from win and lose, and still somehowit's life's illusions I recall.I really don't know life at all."I wish had a dollar for every time I have heard the comment, "What you see is what you get." Møre often than not, what we see is what others allow to be seen and it is also true that many (most?) people are unwilling and/or unable to examine what is in what Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener characterize as a "human psychological knapsack" and then integrating into their lives what has been "previously ignored and underappreciated parts of who [they] are." They wrote this book to help as many people as possible to bring wholeness within reach, "perhaps for the first time."These are among the dozens of passages of greatest interest and value to me, also listed to suggest the scope of Kashdan and Biswas-Diener's coverage:o Why the Way We've Been Pursuing Happiness Won't Make Us Happy (Pages 2-10)o What Wholeness Looks Like, Beyond the Impostor Syndrome, and The Virtues of Throwing in the Towel (13-17)o The Benefits of Fantasy (17-18)o The Origins of Comfort Addiction (29-37)o What's the Alternative? and Psychology's Holy Grail (44-51)o Why Bad Can Be More Powerful Than Good (54-59)o A Tour of Three Dreaded Emotions: Anger, Guilt, and Shame (66-84)o Effectively Harnessing and Using Anxiety (92-93)o Has Happiness Been Taken Too Far? (100-116)o Three Mindless Paths to Success and Well-Being (128-147)o Understanding the Three Parts of the Teddy Effect(159-163)o All the World's a Stage (177-181)o Recognizing Your Positivity Bias (192-200)o Broad Strokes or Fine-Toothed Comb (214-220)o Beyond Happiness (220-221)I agree with Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener: "To progress on your journey of personal growth, love, and meaning and purpose in life, you need to become aware of all aspects of yourself, including your darker tendencies, and be agile enough to integrate them into your behavioral repertoire as needed. Do not repress, ignore, or hide the darker gifts [and they really are gifts]. Be aware of them, appreciate them, and then you're ready harness them. When you do this, you'll find you've gained greater access to well-being. To do otherwise is to be enslaved by fear, to set an artificial limit on what you experience and accomplish in this, the one and only life we know for sure that you'll have. Make the most of it. Become whole."Easier said then done? Of course. Will reading and then perhaps re-reading this book make anyone whole? Perhaps less incomplete, somewhat more fulfilled, but hardly whole. Each of us really is a "work in progress." However, I am certain that the information, insights, and counsel provided in this book will help many of those who read it to gain access to everything or at least much of what they are hauling in their "psychological knapsack [by] unpacking and integrating previously ignored and underappreciated parts of who [they] are."

Nice read, recommended!

I heard about this topic from the author on the podcast "Hidden Brain." It's a great book. Highly recommend it!!

In The Upside of Your Dark Side, Dr. Kashdan and Dr. Biswas-Deiner—both accomplished researchers in the field of positive psychology—show how and why being happy is far less important than being whole. This isn’t to say that being happy or the research on happiness is unimportant, or that your “dark side” is the key to success. In the introduction the authors are clear that, “if positivity and optimism account for 80 percent of success, more or less, then tapping the whole range of experience offers that remaining 20 percent edge.” Positivity is important, but darker emotions like anger, narcissism, and psychopathy (in moderation!) are important contributors to a whole and meaningful life.That last claim may sound a bit far fetched, especially to American readers, so Kashdan and Biswas-Deiner marshal a mountain of evidence to show why evolution didn’t provide us with a dark side by mistake. In the five main chapters of the book, the authors show that: * our obsession with comfort makes it difficult to tolerate the inevitable hardships of life. (Ch. 2) * getting a little angry, feeling a little anxiety, and feeling a little guilt can make us better people. Anger helps us get stuff done, anxiety tells us that something is wrong and needs our attention, and guilt leads us to make amends. We should appreciate these emotions, and can use them to get things done, rather than just shutting them down. (Ch. 3) * feeling happy all of the time makes us less persuasive and less attentive to detail, and self-consciously trying to be happy can make us less happy if reality doesn’t live up to our fantasy. (Ch. 4) * despite the current cultural and scientific zeitgeist about the benefits of being mindful, many of our most powerful and accurate processing mechanisms are mindless. We often make better decisions acting impulsively than deliberately (and the authors show just how to balance impulse and deliberation). (Ch. 5) * being manipulative, narcissistic, and psychopathic (in moderation) can lead to success. If we knew someone who said “I’m going to change the way humanity communicates,” we’d scoff at their ego. But Steve Jobs, with an ego that big and bigger, did just that. (Ch. 6)Mirroring the “20 percent edge,” this book is about 80 percent research and 20 percent application. The reader interested in understanding how positive and negative emotions make us whole will find much of interest in here. The reader interested in using this research to improve their productivity, leadership, or personal wholeness will also find some suggestions for applying these findings.No book is perfect, and this one is no exception. The authors cite loads of studies about how people who do X have outcomes Y and then suggest that if we also do X we may experience Y. The potential problem is that those studies were generally on people who naturally do those things. To be fair, the authors do discuss the importance of making sure that these dark emotions need to be authentic to experience the benefits. But there is a difference between being a narcissist, for example, and a humble person who embraces an occasional narcissistic moment in which they feel like the rules don't apply to them. This is a minor quibble—and perhaps one that is specific to psychology professors like myself—and doesn’t dampen my recommendation for the book; after all, there is a good chance that emulating what others do naturally will work just like it does for them. But readers should be aware that the research is not on people like them to try to harness aspects of their dark side they don't normally harness. It may work, but it may not; the research simply doesn't give a definitive answer.Overall, The Upside of Your Dark Side represents the best of science writing. It provides thorough descriptions of a scientific literature, written in plain English, is humorous and engaging, offers new and provocative suggestions, and gives the general public insight into how the research they fund with their tax dollars may, in fact, help them be better people.

Great book! Finally a book that explores the virtues of emotions that are all too often demonized. .All emotions have the potential for positive or negative effects depending on how they are used. It is great to see these authors brilliantly describe the positive side of these negatively labelled emotions. A must read for anyone working in the field of emotions management or anyone wanting to better their understanding of emotions.

Chapter One:I dont know why, but as i read the fascinating Chapter One. It reminded me of the famous Tao saying.Pursue the way, as if you have swallowed a hot ball of iron.Once you attain it. Then discard it, because it is of no use.Life is full of ambiguity, and the authors point out "it is our ability to tolerate psychological discomfort", is what determines success. The state of wholeness, like the dark and light of Yin and Yang should be seen in its entirety. As one part of the "ying" grows, the yang diminishes. As one part of the ying diminishes, the yang emerges, to keep the circle relentlessly, complete. A good use of the Bedlow research, to describe the transient nature of emotions.It is not about just positive, or scoring a 9 out of 10 on the Subjective Happiness Scales. Or about scoring 1-2 either. I think it was how one of the McGonigal sisters pointed out, it is how you can view the stress as a challenge, rather than seeing stress that is something to be dealt with, that gives rise to flourishing. The authors rightly point out, how can you successfully transition between the stages, that is important.A lot of people think, when I am studying Positive Psychology, I am going to make a lot of people smile, and I cringe at that description, and perhaps the smiling fascism is an appropriate nomenclature, that we must label the charlatans who promise instant happiness.The 80:20 is brilliant. I saw shades of Marcial Losada. I might be splitting hairs here, but he did say say 75:25. Of course John Gottman very clearly said, 84:16 (5:1). I guess the authors are playing it safe, or maybe they took an average, or Mr Pareto will be a happy man. Will be keen on how the 80:20 was arrived at.My company is called The Positivity Company. I always tell my clients, that traditional Positivity (or Positive emotions) is one of the launchpads that they can use. Sometimes, treat positive emotions as just a stepping stone.Am keen to know why congitive agiility was not a separate They key is, are you cognitive,I am a very slow learner. So now I feel much better, when i know that students who are confused, subsequently, perform better. I am a Grumpy Gorilla in the morning, and now, again feel much better. Earlier I was attributing it to sustained arcadian dips.We need to adopt more of the "Keep Calm Carry On". Unfortunately, the same City of London has to remind commuters to "Mind The Gap". Oh Dear God! This is what we have come to? We pampered people.I love conflicts. I love confusion. When I was in Sales, I used to love attending to irate customers, because, I used to be able to get out them, higher ticket sizes. People cringe while handling irate customers. Avoidance, is indeed the tectonic shift in our lifetime.Equally growing is the tide of disqualifying the positive. Someone had described, a cartoon, in the NY Times, of a man at work, fantasising about playing golf. Then playing golf, fantasising about sex. Finally, in bed with a woman...Thinking about work. Such is the sign of our times.My issue is, neither are we mindful, nor are we fantasising enough!Ofcourse, in goal pursuit, we learn avoidance goals and extrinsic goals. Not enough is talked about pursuing goals, to avoid shame, guilt and societal pressures. Hence the mindless pursuit to, get a partner, have a child, get married, dont get sacked, etc etc.Sehnsucht, is a reason, why we see so many second careers. It is an esoteric concept, that needs to be be brought out and perhaps discussed much more in everyday life. My Sehnsucht is Claudia Schiffer.All in all, wholeness activates all your abilities, Emotional (how you feel), Social (how you relate and build relationships), and Mental (cognitive skills). These three abilities are perhaps causal to each other, and with the complete wholeness of Yin and Yang, we become, human. We come to be.