Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens +Teens

Full disclosure: I bought the book but haven't read it yet, just the table of contents and thumbed through it. And yeah, I usually hate reviews from people who say that, so feel free to ignore mine if you feel that way too. I'm giving it 4 stars because, as I said in the title of my review, it's probably great for parents of teens, and will probably come in handy in a couple of years.But as the parent of an almost-10-year-old, I have to point out that while the word "tweens" [and I hate that word, BTW] is on the cover, that appears to be very nearly false advertising.So, for those who will find this useful, here is a listing of the chapters:1. When Your Sweet Child Morphs Into a Sassy Teen2. When Smart Teens Do Really Dumb Things3. When Your Trustworthy Teen Pulls a Fast One4. When You and Your Spouse Disagree5. When Your Teen is Acting Like a Spoiled Brat6. When You're Worried You're Losing Your Ten7. When They're Screaming at You--or Not Talking at All8. When Teens are Mean9. When Your Teen Wants to be Wired All the Time10. When Your Teen is "Going Out"11. When You Need to Talk About Sex12. When You're Fighting About Grades13. When You Catch Your Teen Drinking or Smoking14. When Everyone is Completely Stressed OutI'll try to update this review once I read the book, but it just went to the bottom of the queue.

My daughter was way beyond 'wit's end' with her 13-year old. A battle to get her up and send her to bed, with non-stop Attitude between. The household was so disrupted by the endless emotional commotion that they were thinking seriously about medications and psychiatrists. I heard this book mentioned, ordered a copy, read it in one night, and handed to my daughter. "Read it now," I said. "You need this book."Have the problems disappeared? Certainly not! We have a 13-year old girl in our lives! But her mother has a new and powerful tool. When conflict begins, Mom dashes away for a quick consultation; the chapters and sections are designed to work this way, offering on-the-spot, targeted strategies. And the hidden secret of this book is that the "Getting to Calm" begins with calming the parents. It works so well that my daughter refers to the book as "my valium!" And, faced with relaxed and confident parents, my granddaughter is sailing through her "moments" with much greater ease.The book is realistic, about both teens and their parents. The calming begins when you realize that you don't have the only child that behaves this way and that you aren't the only parent who is hurt & angry. The book takes time to discuss what is happening, physiologically and psychologically; it helps to know that this stage is as necessary and natural as it is trying. The case studies are realistic, the voice of the book is wise & friendly, and the recommendations really really work.

This book has completely changed my life. In the last year, I have spent thousands of dollars on therapy for my daughter, taken a parenting class, attended conferences and all have been helpful, but this book was by far the most helpful. I'm finding parenting a teen is much different than parenting a young child. The strategies that used to work have stopped being effective. And the worst part was I missed the loving relationship I had with my daughter. I love how this book describes the changes in the brain during the teen years. It really helps to understand why they do many of the things they do. It also has great information on how to recognize and avoid common traps. I use many of the techniques and strategies in the book and I now have a much better relationship with my daughter. The other day she told me I have "excellent mothering tactics". I had to laugh because she's right. For the first time in a long time I feel confident about my parenting skills...and I'm enjoying my teenage daughter.

This is by far one of the best and most useful parenting books I have read. The book is very insightful about the dynamics between parents and children and really helps parents understand what is going on in the teenage brain. It has helped me understand why my son is acting the way he is-- part of the normal process of growing up. More importantly, it has given me examples of how to handle the day in and day out exchanges which have become so difficult in our home. One of the best pieces of wisdom was the comment the author made about not talking to your teen while you are under the influence of emotions. I have a long way to go, but I am seeing positive results in my interactions with my son using the strategies in the book. I am recommending this book to my friends with teenagers.

If there are children in your life, buy this book and read it cover to cover. I only wish I'd had it when my son was younger, though the insights are still helpful as he approaches 20. The authors do an incredible job of explaining "your brain on adolescence", giving readers enough science to take the blame away from US, the often confused and frustrated (to put it mildly) parents. Understanding that a lot of what we see as impossible behavior is essentially kids doing the job of growing up, and knowing there are actual strategies for coping, is not only comforting, but incredibly productive. This book lays it all out and gives you a PLAN, with real-life examples which render the strategies practical and accessible. It's intelligent, sympathetic, comprehensive, and easy to grasp, while never condescending. Just read it ... you'll thank me.

I had many issues with my daughter. I got this book and read it. It's very helpful indeed.As a single parent some of it doesn't apply.It is a bit 'American' and can be repetitive but it's definitely helpful and worth a read.

Excellent book in my hour of need. Recommend to me by another parent, and I have recommended it to many others.

would use again but now need time to read the book!