An Exceptional Children's Guide to Touch: Teaching Social and Physical Boundaries to Kids

I like to preview books before I buy them - especially books with content where I want to deliver a very specific message - but could not find this book through any free source. So in case you are like me, this is a VERY detailed review.Overall, I think this was a good book for preschoolers. I think it was written for special needs students, but am using it for my three year old, so my review is based on that. (I'm a teacher and I can definitely see this used with elementary school students who need more explicit directions on appropriate touch.). The illustrations were very appealing to my child and he wanted to read the book right away, multiple times. I thought it would be too long, but we can easily read it in one sitting or read just one chapter to discuss. I like how each part was broken down into a chapter.Chapter 1 (Accidental Touch) - Basically it can happen any time when not intended. I like that it talked about people touching you and you touching other people. It says that it is okay, but to tell an adult if someone is hurt. Throughout the book it says "tell my parent, my teacher, or another adult" which is really long for a little kid; I'm simplifying to a "grown-up" or "mommy and daddy" when reading it out loud and then verbally discussing which adults he could talk to. It tells them to say "I'm sorry" or "excuse me" as well, which is great.Chapter 2 (Friendly Touch) - It describes it is touch to show that people care about each other. In the illustrations it shows people touching hands and shoulders as examples of places for friendly touch and later ways to touch are shown as helping up, shaking hands, and then weirdly touching someone on the shoulder while they are shaking hands with someone else. It says "friends usually do not touch any part of my body that is covered by my swimsuit..." which I am reading as "should not." It says if someone does the child should tell an adult (same parent/teacher/other is used throughout the book) right away.It describes hugs as very friendly touch only for people the child knows "VERY well." Then it says, "Most people don't want to be hugged. Most people are happy to shake my hand instead." I don't think this is a good approach for my child. I'm a very touchy person who grew up in a family that liked their space and learned unintentionally that "people don't want to be touched by you" when what I should have learned was "look for verbal and nonverbal cues to see if people want to be touched." I like that they suggested an alternate, but would like it instead if it said to ask about hugs. It does not address kissing. I wish it addressed kissing family on the cheek, because my son always tries to kiss people on the lips and my husband and I hate it!It finishes by saying that friendly touch should make the child feel uncomfortable or hurt. It would be nice if it said ANYONE, because I feel that the two sided coin is teaching children about body safety and teaching them about boundaries. It says if touch hurts or makes the child feel bad, the person isn't being nice and to tell an adult. It says to tell an adult if touch makes the child feel confused.Chapter 3 (Hurtful Touch) - It is described as painful and "often feels bad," and may be confusing. It says to tell an adult if it is confusing, but weirdly doesn't say to tell here if it hurts. (It does say later to go away and tell an adult.) In the illustration it demonstrates hitting, kicking, hair pulling, pinching, and biting in two groups of kids fighting. It says no one should hurt or try to hurt the child.It says to say sorry if you hurt someone else and tell an adult so the adult can make sure the person is okay. I liked this, but it is only one sentence in the whole book. My son is a very rough child, so I would like more about him not hurting people.Chapter 4 (Touching Myself) - It says that children can touch themselves anywhere they want to if they are alone, and says that that is usually in the bedroom or bathroom. The pictures show a child sitting on the bed and sitting on a toilet (both look fully clothed) and not touching anything. Later it shows a picture of a child with their finger in their nose as an example of touching anywhere wanted.It said that other people may be uncomfortable if the child touches themselves anywhere down their pants (and shows a picture of a girl with her hand in the front of her pants while other kids look surprised) and that it might make people not like or want to play with the child. I would have left the second part out. It reiterates to go to a place they can be alone.It also says that people "many not want to play with me if they see me putting my finger up my nose," and says if the child needs to do this, they should do this alone. It shows the foot, wrist, head, cheek, and stomach as places that the child can touch themselves around other people. In general, I thought the addressed this topic well.Chapter 5 (Not Touching) - It says that some people may not want to be touched and that's okay. It says to say "please don't touch me" if you don't want to be touched, and that no one should every touch the child if they told them no. It says to tell an adult if the touching continues. (I would have put the swim suit stuff here.) It reiterates no matter who the person is or what they say to tell.It says not to ever touch a stranger or let a stranger touch me, and the child shouldn't even talk to strangers. I don't like this approach, because 1.) In our culture we DO talk to strangers, and 2.) Children are usually harmed by people they know. Also, it does not say how the "child" is supposed to not "let" a stranger touch them. The stranger is depicted as a man who is very much the stereotypical child predator look complete with grabby hands towards the fleeing blonde girl, which is not realistic.It says the child should not show anyone is not a friend (what about family?!) and if a friend asks not to touch, they should not touch (I liked this.) It says that if the child touches someone who doesn't want to be touched that that person may not want to be their friend. (All the not friend stuff I think is more for older kids.) It says not to touch if an adult say not to touch someone. Overall, I was least satisfied with this chapter.Chapter 6 (Having My Picture Taken) - I thought this was a great topic to include, but the wording wasn't relatable for my child. It said no one should take a picture/video if the child says not to. It said again the child should not "let" anyone take a picture when the child doesn't have all their clothes on, and to tell an adult if that happens. I don't like it when it is the child's responsibility to stop an adult and this leads to saying a victim "let" the abuser do something. Also, again, my son is three and runs around the house in his underwear. We sometimes take pictures (definitely not to post, and you can tell he has no shirt but not that he is in his underwear,) so I wish this was phrased more that it wasn't appropriate to take pictures of naked children or underwear. (My kid loves having his picture taken, and kept trying to run into my Zoom meetings naked, so we talked a lot about this.) Again, the wording probably would be better for an older child.Last, some characters were different races; I would have liked to see a little more diversity particularly in the helper adults, but it's acceptable. The "main character" (by the illustrations was a blonde girl.) Children and adults are a mix of boys and girls. The kids doing some kind of bad touch were equally boys and girls (including the main character) and racially diverse. (Same with good touch.) It depicted two adults doing inappropriate behavior, both men. One was the mustached white man with grabby looking hands in a grocery store and the other was a white man with a cell phone camera where it talked about no one taking the picture if the child says no. No illustrations are revealing. A picture of the girl in her underwear includes an undershirt.

Love the book. Not a fan of the "splatter" designs inside that look like coffee rings, food mess and in some pages it looks like splattered blood!!! My daughter was VERY curious about why there was blood on the page 😕

This is a book I would highly recommend for pretty much anyone, but particularly for kids who might have a harder time taking social cues. The book covers the basics of touch that is comfortable and uncomfortable. I have a daughter in a wheelchair so I really liked the part where they explain that no one should touch you in your areas covered by a bathing suit *unless* they are helping you bathe or go to the bathroom. I always worry about mixed messages since my daughter needs help in that area and this book clarifies the difference. It also has chapters on how it's appropriate to touch other people (hugs, pat on the back, etc.) and how it would be inappropriate to touch others (hitting, etc.). I feel like sometimes books only cover the negative side of how someone else could touch a child inappropriately but don't give a child any clue as to what the child themselves may do that's inappropriate so I appreciated that about this book. Another part I was glad they included was the chapter on how it's appropriate to touch yourself when in the company of others (picking your nose is generally frowned upon in social situations!). It is several sections long, however, I just read one short section a night to my daughter. This book is easily understood by her and she is four.

I bought this book for two young children (4 and 5). I was happy that the book focused on personal responsibility and talked about both giving and receiving all kinds of touch including things as basic as a handshake. The emphasis on personal space was great. I felt that the book was appropriate for their age group, older children with development delay or children who are in frequent contact with children with sensory issuses. I gave it 4 stars because I felt that the book didn't seem very synched with my Kindle. We had to do a lot of back and forth while reading to see the appropriate picture. Also, while the book did a good job explaining things in their language, it still seemed a little dry. Maybe that is to be more accessible to children with social skill delays? I'm not sure, but that is the other reason I gave it 4 out of 5 stars. As a grandparent it was very helpful to me to start the dialogue with my grandchildren and I really appreciate the book.

My six year-old daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD. Whether that's accurate or not, she is exceptionally hyperactive and impulsive. She is also very affectionate, likely because we have raised her using much touch, cuddling, holding, etc, and her extended family uses affectionate (appropriate) touch as well. She, however, extends that to inappropriate others, such as babysitters, teachers at school, and she will even hug strangers. She is showing natural curiosity about her body but also makes comments about women's breasts. This book is excellent for teaching kids when it is appropriate to touch others! I have found so many that are instrumental in teaching about receiving or refusing touch, but this is the only one I've found that discusses the former issue. I see what the reviewer means about the "blood splotches," and I probably wouldn't use it with an extremely traumatized child. For non-traumatized kids, this is an excellent pick (I am a clinical psychologist and sex therapist as well). For teaching kids about their bodies and "where babies come from," Sol Gordon has a couple superb books. Cheers and good luck!

I like the gentle and simple language in this book but there were a couple of things that frustrated me. 1st was the blanket "don't talk to strangers" statement. My autistic child finds the subtleties in social rules confusing and of course it's not true that we never speak to strangers. What about shop keepers? Or police officers? Or just being polite to the old lady asking directions? To not go off with strangers would be a much better lesson.Secondly, I bought re book because my son is going through a phase of showing inappropriate interest in other people's private parts and has been grabbing people. I feel there's not enough emphasis on explaining that the child should respect other people's bodies as well as expecting respect from others.Basically, I think it's a worthwhile book but not quite what I was after.

This book is a good way to start a conversation about private parts and appropriate touch/ child safety with your preschooler. Could have had a bit more on consent but good overall. Not too graphic, nice cartoons to help explain amd simple text.

Lovely book, my daughter has speech delay (4yo) and sometimes is hard for me to make myself clear as I'm not sure she understands. This helped me with her as she loves bedtime stories.

Great book and made easy to read for the younger child. Would recommend this book for people wanting a specific book on touch thats any child age friendly

this was purchased for my special needs child to help teach what touching is appropriate i found it helpful and easy to read together