Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

On the plus side, if you read and meditate on the topic sentences of each paragraph, you will find a view of your parenting as a noble calling. You will be reminded that there is a spiritual side to your parenting that justifies all the sacrifices you will make for your child. In true Buddhist fashion, the rhetoric of this book blurs giving and receiving, recognizing that we are all one.But god help you if you try to actually learn how to parent from this book. With an airy yawn, the authors smugly compare their work to "[t]he best manuals on parenting," which fall far short of this opus, of course, but "can sometimes serve as useful references." You're darn right they can. As a Buddhist, I am very comfortable with the idea that my child's moods and phases are temporary phenomena, not his true self. I'd much rather have a humble manual to tell me that a child is more likely to be clingy from 6 to 8 months than try to apply the author's shoddily reasoned version of the Golden Rule: "What . . . would you choose: [t]o be held tenderly in loving arms or to lie in a crib or plastic babyseat?"It's a shame how close this book came to being helpful instead of harmful. I'm still looking for a truly Buddhist book on parenting. What attracted me to the religion in the first place is its impact on child development. What other faith can take a toddler, tell him that he is a reincarnated sage, raise him in a monastery full of men who are supposed to honor him as their leader, and still have the kid turn out functional? Whatever techniques go into that miracle, you won't find them here.Inside the Buddhist package, this book endorses the American middle-class practice of over-parenting. It frets about the gulf between the traumatized children and the ones who were parented correctly, just as other books emphasize disparities in health, wealth, or intellect. The reasoning goes, as it always does with these books, "Hey. We don't know what causes these disparities. It could be you. Since your life is pretty much over anyway, why not give over what's left of it to avoiding these six thousand things that might set your kid up for a life of misery?" Like their sister-believers in other parenting movements, the authors become convinced that parents out there just need more education on the superiority of the method they prefer. To that end, they begin to interpret every piece of data to fit their model: stop at nothing to prevent trauma to your delicate child.On page 67, which describes how complete failure of parental empathy makes children upset. Okay, fine. Then, out of nowhere, the authors tell me that "the 'good' baby who stops crying after ten minutes and goes to sleep may be a baby who has learned to give up." The word "may" is not in bold, caps, italics, or anything. If you weren't paying attention, you might mistake the notion that a sleeping baby is on the verge of suicide for a worthwhile idea with scientific, philosophical, or even anecdotal support. No. Pulled straight out of thin air. Thin air if I'm being polite. And we plow right on to the penetrating question: "Is shutting down emotionally and losing some of their aliveness and openness what we want for our children?" There is no room in the rhetoric for my son, the boy who needed a few minutes alone to settle down, just like his father.Again, bravo to the basic idea that we don't put ourselves in our kids' shoes often enough. But the authors can't seem to back up these good basic ideas without undermining their lip service to "uniquely personal" parenting decisions which they pay on page 14. Unmedicated childbirth, extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, and pretty much any ideas that didn't outright kill the authors' kids are presented as "options," meaning things that the properly educated person will choose instead of the experience people have to go through. If someone has life experience that makes her want to give birth in a hospital, that experience needs to be "seen in the larger context of a drugged mother . . ." as we "educat[e] ourselves about normal birthing." (Page 157.) Meanwhile, if the authors encountered any "birth stories" like my 76-hour home labor followed by a joyous epidural-assisted delivery, those stories were "seen in the larger context" of the backspace key.If you really love this book, read it through again imagining that you are an adoptive mother who doesn't have 4 hours a day to induce lactation, a widower (or two loving gay fathers) who can't offer the "soft breast," or even just a person with a 9-5 job. All of a sudden, the feeling of compassionate inclusion you enjoyed on the first reading might prove to be an illusion.This is not my idea of a Buddhist parenting book. It fits observation to philosophy rather than the other way around. It embraces the Christian Puritanical dictate that comfort for a mother is unnatural and damning. And it presupposes the materialist American instinct to hoard what you posses (even if the possession is just a little bit of wisdom) and pass it to your children. If Siddhartha Gautama had followed the advice in this book, he never would have become the Buddha.

Disclaimer: I have not finished this book. However, several chapters in, I find that this book is exactly what I was looking for.As the title suggests, it is a somewhat abstract guidebook on the conversations that parents should be having within themselves in order to parent with grace, patience and wisdom. It is NOT a traditional manual on childrearing. It is not about methods to use when disciplining or interacting with your child (though there are sections on co-sleeping, breastfeeding, etc.). (For concrete parenting tips and approaches, I HIGHLY recommend Janet Lansbury's books.) Instead, this book is about the mental workings of the parent as he or she plays, admonishes, lives with children. If that sounds confusing, let me offer an example...My 3 year is spirited, to say the least, and can be running around, shouting with excitement one minute, or falling into a very intense tantrum the next. While I recognize that the tantrum is a sign that she's: a) sleepy, b) trying to communicate but is overwhelmed by her emotions or c) wants my attention, the intensity of her emotions can often feel like an assault on my senses and I tend to react emotionally. Then, we often fall into a battle of wills and both get increasingly upset and frustrated. Whether you believe in time outs, time ins, consequence driven discipline, or none of the above, this book is about what the parent does with his or her energy and thoughts in such a scenario and many others. When I am able to apply the approach in this book, I am able to completely improve my outlook and level of contentment. This is a much needed and often overlooked aspect of parenthood! I am very grateful for this book!

I have loved this book since I first discovered it the year it was published. My sons were very young. I was/am still very passionate about being a Mom who celebrated who each of them is. And I found this book rich with guidance for being this kind of parent.When a baby is born to friends or family, I send a collection of books to the child and THIS book to the parents. It's what I do. And most recently, a young woman whom I adore gave birth to a daughter and I knew that she, too, would find great wisdom in this book.There is a gift in each day of each stage of each lifetime. And I find great inspiration in this book over and over and over!It's worth reading. And re-reading. And giving as a gift also over and over!

This is not a 'how-to' parenting manual - it doesn't provide (or claim to provide) specific advice on feeding, sleeping, discipline, etc. It is the story of one couple's personal experience with their own three children, and their efforts to raise those children compassionately and mindfully in a frantic, materialistic world. The authors clearly believe strongly in their own choices (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.), but do not condemn those who do not adhere to that exact parenting style.Can anyone (even the authors) maintain Zen-style tranquility at every moment as parents? Of course not. If I compared myself to everything in this book all the time I would feel awful! But the overall concept - paying attention to everyday moments with a child - is an important one. The book talks about parenting as an up and down, winding journey, and it has many wonderful examples of how self-awareness can bring parents and children closer together as children grow.It's beautifully written and will be on my shelf for years to come, especially for when I need encouragement in the hard moments of raising my son. Yes, it's very crunchy/touchy feely, but in a very benevolent way :) - there are great messages here for all parents.

I bought this book as a gift - as it was for my sister she didn't mind that I read it myself to check it was okay before wrapping it up for her! I found the book very insightful and the balance between the two perspectives of this husband/wife writing team was fascinating. In common with all of us who have older children, there was a slight element of "rose tinted spectacles" about the baby / toddler years but I quite liked this - it's important for those who are surviving the early years of parenting to know that, once survived, we remember those years fondly and nothing is really as important as it seemed it was then.As a result of reading this book, my sister has rekindled an old interest in meditation and is sharing her own wisdom more knowingly with her boys. If you're inclined towards living in the moment then this book encourages you to enjoy your parenting years while you're surviving them instead of waiting til the rose tinted spectacles are awarded after 20 years or so. I was encouraged to discover that I implemented many of the Kabat-zinn's philosophies instinctively over the years. It is common sense if you're inclined towards Buddhist ways of thinking and being.I also bought Mr KZ's book "The mindful way through depression" so that I might better understand a friend who's suffering - it comes with a fab cd which is suitable for everyone, depressed or not, and I'd highly recommend that too.

Whilst I was looking for a more concise and smaller book, this one met all my expectations and more. If only every parent would read this when the child is very young we would not have so many children turning up for school basically unparented. What a difference that would be to the education system in our country.

Very satified

excellent

A must read! Fantastic