Disarming the Narcissist, Second Edition: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

I am a 37 year old daughter of a narcissistic father. I have tried and tested every suggested 'empathetic confrontation' and communication strategy recommended in this book, and many more besides, and they have had a long term success rate of about zero. When you grow up with this, you get very creative at dealing with these people. I had learned most of these methods by my late teens, and learned that none of them worked. And still I continued - what a sad useless waste of my time that was!What Wendy fails to understand here is the extreme levels of deviousness intricately in-bedded in extreme narcissism. The only thing you are doing using these tools, is poring more good energy after bad, wasting many more years out of your life, and above all giving the narcissist an insight into what he/she has to do to (what they will see as), playing a different game of getting you to do exactly what they want you to do = forgive them for everything and anything.They will sit there and pretend to listen, with their ears firmly closed and their eyes firmly shut. All the while martyring to themselves on been brave enough to suffer this hell, whilst trying to hurry you through to the part where you, once again, forgive him/her for their appalling behaviour. That is the ONLY thing they are interested in. Being left in peace to be their awful selves, and get away with it. Preferably without everyone disappearing on them.I was also interested to note that there were no long term case studies providing evidence that these theorized methods of confrontation and communication have had any success rate. Why? Because they don't exist. If they work, they work for 5 minutes - that's it. An extreme narcissist has a very similar personality description as a socio-path. Personality disorders of this kind are very rarely treatable, if at all. And past a certain age, forget it.It took me a really long time of trying again and again to have a relationship with my father, and to get my basic needs of love, care and respect met by him. And then one day, when trying for what seemed the millionth time to make him understand how his latest bout of verbal abuse and insult had upset me and also why, (since you have to explain it to them like they are two), and I observed very closely as he digested which 'learned characteristic mask' he would need to adorn to get himself out of his latest mess. And then watched. Watched with the crystal clear vision as he attempted to manipulate, dominate, control and lie his way out of it, just like he had always done. That was the moment when I saw how much time I had wasted on this pitiful excuse for a man.I have been through intensive therapy twice in my life, and in both cases the prognosis for my issues were the same. My father was my main problem. I had done everything possible to address my issues, whilst he did nothing to address his own.Neither therapist held fast with cutting close friends and family out of my life, but in his case, it was a clear message from both;'Until the narcissist changes, and I mean really changes, not just pretends to change, then you are better off staying well clear'.Good advice. And since accepting it this last time around, I have been much happier and felt more at peace than ever before.

Useful for therapist because they learn how to treat basic narcissistic behavior disorder.unfortunately not many of the most pathologic narcisists go to therapy and this book is show a way too soft approach to help the victims to deal with the major problematic narcisists and, as such, it does not offer real guidance to the victims on how to recognise and avoid them.It is probably helpful to people who deal with mild narcisism.

Interesting read but I don’t think all narcissis will take your new approach well and still play on your words and mind. Worth a read tho as it brings important areas to look with both yourselfs triggers etc. I think this could help me in other areas of my life.

Great service. Book was a great, easy read and helped however the description gave me the impression you can help a narcissist..... YOU CAN'T!

Has some good learning points and helpful information, but this is padded out with far too much meaningless waffle.